Lee's Huglist
by Lil' DeiDei
Summary: When Gai-sensei suffers a fatal accident, is down to Lee to carry out his beloved teacher's last request. And he must complete this arduous task by sundown tomorrow, or else suffer the consequences. No pairings.
1. The Accident and the List

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters and their personality traits and descriptions (though exaggerated slightly) are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

Also, this story is set right before Naruto returns in _Shippuden_ from his training with _**Jiraiya. **_I plan to alter what happened then, though…

**Lee's Hug-list**

"GAI-SENSEI!" Lee screamed, the terror evident in his voice as he watched his teacher writhe in pain. "Are you all right?"

Gai mumbled something no one could understand. Lee looked even more frightened. "We must take you to the hospital quickly," he said, trying not to let his sensei know just how worried he was for fear that the older but still extremely youthful man would resist.

His teacher nodded his head weakly, and Neji and Tenten rushed forward, and placed their arms around the man to support him. Distributing their teacher's weight between them, the two waited for Lee to do something as Gai continued to moan incoherently about the pain.

"I will run ahead to warn the medics of this disaster," Lee said, already sprinting away.

"Lee," Tenten said, feeling that, no matter how much she liked Lee, this was ridiculous and taking his care for Gai-sensei just a little too far. However, Lee did not hear her because he was halfway to Konoha's gates and still running at top speed.

"Come on," Neji said. "It is easier if we just go along with this."

Tenten nodded, and the two began walking back to the city, dragging Gai along with them.

They made it to the hospital shortly, where they saw Lee standing outside with Sakura and Ino, holding his hands anxiously in front of himself.

The two medics walked forward, and Neji and Tenten gratefully let them take Gai's weight, then followed them back inside the hospital.

"OK Gai-sensei, what seems to be the problem?" Sakura asked, her pen poised above her clipboard as she prepared to write a quick summary of Gai's symptoms.

"He had a most youthful accident," Lee quickly said, as if fearful that even talking would further harm his beloved sensei's condition.

"Which was?" Ino asked, waiting for Lee to continue.

Tenten plopped tiredly down in a chair, as Neji leaned against the wall near the door, hand covering his mouth in an attempt to hide his smirk.

"HE STUBBED HIS TOE!" Lee screamed. Before anyone fully had time to digest just how awful this was, Lee continued at the same volume, "My wonderful teacher, Gai-sensei, has been injured by a dastardly tree branch that caught his foot in a youthful jump as we were training. The pain and agony he is in is unbelievable and clearly threatens to violate Gai-sensei's youthfulness."

Neji snorted. Tenten buried her head in her hands, ashamed and embarrassed on behalf of Lee and Gai because she knew they never would be.

Sakura and Ino just stared at each other, until their eyes went dry and they were forced to blink. Then, as one, they turned their glances towards Lee, and Sakura growled out, "Lee, what do you _mean_ telling us this was an _emergency_?" Each word was painfully dragged out, as she and Ino gave Lee the death glare.

Tenten cringed slightly and went back to looking at her palms. Neji straightened in the doorway, but Lee was entirely nonplussed. "Sakura-san," he said calmly, "Gai-sensei is in extreme pain. Please, deal with this as you would--"

Sakura cut him off. "Pain?" she asked. "Pain?!? Over a stubbed toe? I'll show you pain!" The pink-haired medic was about to pounce, and Tenten knew that no matter how ridiculous it was and how stupid Lee was being, she did not want to see him get hurt.

"Sakura," she said, thinking quickly," Lee is right." The two stopped their impromptu chase around the hospital room and stared at her. "If Gai-sensei actually has an injury, and is as incapacitated by it as he is now, then it must be serious," Tenten pointed out, hoping no one would point out just how silly that logic was. To her immense surprise and relief, Sakura backed off, albeit reluctantly, and turned back toward the bed.

Lee gave her a beaming smile, and Tenten weakly returned it before plonking back down on the chair.

"All right, Gai," Sakura said, dropping all honorifics now. "Let me see your foot. Ino!" she barked, doing a great impression of Tsunade. The girl in question jumped forward, and the two began some medical procedure that no one else in the room even pretended to understand. "OK, Gai, your foot is fine and you will live. Just take one Ibuprofen a day and try to avoid ramming your foot into anything else. And next time, don't be such a baby about it." Sakura and Ino both turned to leave the room but Lee jumped up to stop them.

"Wait, does he not receive any pain medication? Does he not need an overnight stay here in Konoha's best hospital?"

"This is Konoha's only hospital," Ino pointed out. Lee decided to ignore her.

"He doesn't need pain medication, Lee," Sakura said. "All he did was stub his toe. A fairly minor injury that even a _child_ can handle," she emphasized the word "child" very carefully, and both Gai and Lee winced. They might be youthful but they are NOT children. "But Gai," Sakura said sweetly, "if you really want to stay overnight, _of course_ you are welcome to." With that, she and Ino left the room, leaving Tenten, Neji, Lee, and Gai alone in the room.

Gai shifted slightly on the bed, and said, "Well, it would be unyouthful to take up this hospital space when I do not need it. Beautiful students, help get me home!" No one could tell if that was a question or a demand, but they all moved to comply.

**The List**

Tenten and Neji had long since left Gai-sensei's apartment, Neji claiming clan duties as soon as they arrived and Tenten remembering about an hour and a half later that she had to reorganize her weapon scrolls for training tomorrow. Lee, on the other hand, stayed faithfully behind, tending to his sensei's needs, making him tea and dinner and helping the man dress in his pajamas. Lee was wise enough not to comment on Gai's pajamas choice, though he was shocked at the fact that his sensei, a grown man, still wore purple dinosaur-print long-johns to bed. He put it down to Gai's dedication to the Springtime of Youth.

Gai coughed weakly, and Lee immediately sprang to the bed where he had just tucked his teacher in only moments before. "Sensei, what is wrong?"

Gai looked at Lee seriously for a moment, before saying in a faint voice, "Lee, I may not make it out of this alive…so I have one last request of my most youthful student."

"What do you mean you will not make it out alive, Gai-sensei?" Lee said, the tears threatening to spill out his eyes.

Gai gazed at him sadly, and said, "Lee, this injury is serious. Sakura-san said it was minor and a child could handle it, but a youthful man knows when he is on death's door and for me, that moment is now."

Lee looked at his teacher, sad, and slightly frustrated at the circumstances. "Wh-what do you wish me to do, Gai-sensei?" Lee asked, his voice breaking slightly.

Gai sighed, and studied Lee carefully for a moment. Then, he reached his hand under his pillow and pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper. Worried this was going to be a bucket list, Lee moved to stop him and said, "Gai-sensei, you do not have to show me that. You will be OK."

"You misunderstand, youthful student. This is not a list of things I wish to do before I—before I--" Gai could not say the word. "Before I become unyouthful," he decided to say. "This is a list of people in great need of one of youth's greatest treasures." Gai paused for dramatic effect and to make sure Lee was watching him in awe. Then he continued. "_This_ is a hug list!"

Lee blinked. This was not an unusual action per se, although for Lee, it did highlight his eyes and provided the unwanted effect of making them seem more strange than usual, but it shocked Gai to see his student blink at a basic statement that should, if his calculations were correct, have Lee jumping up and down in anticipation of getting to carry out this "most youthful task."

"Gai-sensei," Lee asked carefully. Gai looked at him expectantly. He knew his student would understand. "I do not understand," Lee finished his sentence.

Gai was unprepared for this. If it was not so stereotypical, he would have also blinked at this moment but Gai hated stereotypes and part of the reason he was so dedicated to the Springtime of Youth was because it went against stereotypes in the first place. Instead, Gai beamed at his student and improvised. "I did not expect you to right away," he confided to Lee. "You see, the Springtime of Youth is a most gracious thing that does not bless all people all the time. You and I have tapped into it and channeled it into our very personalities, clothing, and hairstyles! Other people, however, have been unable to do this and this list is designed to help them." He waited to see if Lee understood.

"I see!" Lee shouted. "This is not just any hug-list, it is a Springtime of Youth hug-list! Written especially for us to fulfill with our youthful qualities!" Lee smiled back at his teacher, his teeth flashing a white that would have blinded any normal man. "But…" Lee's face fell. "Gai-sensei, how will we fulfill this most precious mission with your deathly injuries?" Lee asked, not noticing his teacher's wince at the word "deathly."

Gai looked at him gravely. "This is why I have asked you to complete this mission alone, Lee. I know you can handle it." Gai could feel tears welling in his eyes and he tried to hold them back, at least until Lee responded. Then he would give in to his youthfulness.

"Gai-sensei," Lee said quietly. He thought for a moment, then made up his mind. "All right, Gai-sensei, I will carry out this mission you have requested of me. The Springtime of Youth will not be let down!" he screamed. "I, Rock Lee, Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast, will not let you down, Gai-sensei! All these people will be hugged properly and youthfully by sundown tomorrow, or else I will do 500 laps around Konoha on my thumbs and 250 on just my big toes. I will do 700 pushups with my pinkies and I will practice my taijutsu for seven days straight!" With that, Gai and Lee both let their tears flow freely, and Lee rushed forward in a blur to hug his sensei, though the man was not on the list.

"Lee," Gai said, as they reached the end of their tears and hug, "you do not have to make your punishment for failure _that_ harsh." They cried again.


	2. I've been YOUTHED!

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

"**I've been YOUTHED!"**

Lee was reluctant to leave his teacher, but decided that being positive under any circumstances was part of being youthful. He stepped forward with a new determination, but stopped short when he realized he had not read the list yet.

He pulled it out of the pocket on his flak jacket, and quickly scanned the contents. Most of the names were ones he would have written himself, had he thought of this youthful idea first, but some were a slight surprise. _Still_, he reasoned,_ everyone has had difficulties in their lives. It is only right and fitting that I should be the one to hug their worries away!_ he thought excitedly.

He figured his first client (he had no idea what else to call them since patient made them seem sickly and victim implied that a hug from Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast was a bad thing, which Lee knew it was not) would be coming from the training grounds, so he headed over there at his usual speed—which is to say no one else could see anything but a flash of green, despite the fact that he had not even removed his weights.

Lee spotted his target (it is very difficult to think of synonyms for a word you could not even identify properly in the first place) leaving the training area with his teammates, who happened to also be on Lee's list. Lee smiled broadly at this observation, which seemed to creep the targets out, although it was difficult to tell on two of them because one lived in a state of perpetual fear, the other lived in a state of perpetual emotionlessness.

Lee walked quickly up to them, retrieving three objects from his pocket as he went, and beamed once more. Wrapping his arms quickly around them, he gave the three young members of Team Kurenai a great big hug before any of them could say or do anything. He placed the objects on their coats and then stepped back to admire his handiwork, his unrealistically large and shiny smile still plastered on his face.

The three chuunin just stood in place for a moment, each expressing their shock at Lee's action in different ways. Kiba looked outraged, Hinata was experimenting with turning different shades of red, and Shino stood, his face unchanging. Behind his glasses, however, the bug-nin was blinking furiously as he tried to figure out just what exactly had occurred.

"Wh-what the hell?!?" Kiba said finally. He glanced down at the pin on his chest and grimaced. This action seemed to snap Hinata and Shino out of their trances, as Hinata glanced at her pin as well and Shino returned to staring passively forward. "What does _this_ mean?" Kiba asked, still furious, as he gestured towards the "I've been YOUTHED!" pin Lee had attached to his coat.

"Oh, I am sorry," Lee said. "Normally, I hate to use contractions but I wanted to hurry and begin this youthful mission and fulfill my promise to Gai-sensei. Also, the pins did not have very much room on them so the poem I originally drafted had to be discarded in favor of this catchy phrase," Lee explained. "I still have a copy with me if you would like to read it, though," he offered graciously, moving to retrieve the poem from his pocket.

Kiba snapped. Lunging for the document, he snarled, "Why did you just _hug_ us?"

"Oh, that is what you were asking?" Lee said as he neatly dodged Kiba's outstretched hands. He continued once more, again not letting anyone else speak, although a distinct "oof!" could be heard when Kiba hit the ground. "Well, you see, I have this list of people in need of, as Gai-sensei so beautifully worded it, 'one of youth's greatest treasures.'" He sniffed and wiped a tear out of his eye.

"Hugs are treasures?" Kiba asked, giving up on being angry because it just would not work with Lee.

"Of course!" the spandex-clad man replied quickly, seeming affronted.

"Why hug us?" Shino asked.

Lee's expression turned sad. "Well…" he said, uncharacteristically delaying his answer. "Shino. Your family loves you but most people outside your team think you are creepy because you use bugs to fight and suck chakra out of your enemies," Lee said bluntly.

"Not to mention the fact that you store them _inside_ of you," Kiba muttered, conveniently forgetting all the places he allowed Akamaru to sit when they were genin.

Lee turned to him. "And Kiba, your father left when you were very young so you have only grown up with women around you." Lee thought sadly of his own life before he met Gai-sensei, then turned to face Hinata. "Hinata, you have family, yet none of them were kind to you until more recently." Lee hoped these explanations would be enough for why he hugged them.

"You hugged us over that?" Kiba asked, now sounding incredulous. Apparently those explanations were _not_ enough. Lee decided to do what Gai-sensei would do in this situation, and quickly assumed the nice-guy pose.

He smiled and Hinata and Kiba quickly shut their eyes to protect their vision. Shino was grateful yet again for his sunglasses, but still squinted slightly at the sudden illumination of Lee's teeth. "Yes," Lee said, "for that is the way of those who are in touch with the Springtime of their Youth!"

"Um, Lee-san," Hinata said almost questioningly. "Do you mean you are going around hugging people because they have had sad lives?" She bravely decided to continue to clarify her question. "Will you be hugging _everybody_?"

Lee thought for a second. "Hmm," he said. "I had not considered that, but most of Konoha has had tough lives. Perhaps I should have given myself more time…No, I must not fail this mission! Gai-sensei's youthfulness depends on it. Yes, Hinata-san," he said, finishing his conversation with himself, "I will be hugging everyone."

He bowed deeply to the trio, then turned and ran off as quickly as he had come. "Goodbye youthful comrades," he called back. "I will see you later once I have finished spreading the youth around."

There was silence for a moment as Team Eight watched the frog-eyed teen leave. "Did he really just say that?" Kiba finally asked, voicing everyone's thoughts aloud.

"Maybe we should have confiscated his list," Shino said. "To save everyone else the embarrassment," he added, feeling the need to explain himself.

Kiba's chuckle grew evil. "Oh no," he said. "I would _much_ rather if everyone else got their youthful hugs too…" he turned to follow Lee with a wicked smile on his face.

"Kiba-kun…" Hinata said worriedly as she and Shino trailed after him.


	3. Bad Henge's

I am sorry I took so long to update this. I kind of got stuck when writing this chapter, and this is my third or fourth version because frankly the other ones sucked. I knew what I wanted to happen but I wasn't sure how to write it down. Anyway, I like this chapter now, but I will forewarn you that it has an odd structure. The italicized parts above the sentences show the location and the characters present. That will hopefully make more sense once you read it!

The following story is brought to you by Jill's deranged mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

**Bad Henge's, Angry Glares, and Infernal Devices**

Lee ran through the town, hugging and pinning people as he went. He was miles away from the now-henge'ed Team Eight, and probably would not have realized it if he was close to them, he was moving so fast.

The fact that he had pretty much no chakra sensing skills to speak of was besides the point. At least he was youthful, thank you very much.

_Earlier, with Team Eight_

"Kiba-kun!" Hinata admonished her friend. "You can't disguise yourself as Naruto-kun!"

_Oh crap_, Kiba thought. He looked down and winced in horror as he realized he was in full Naruto-regalia (pre-training with Jiraiya-sama), orange jumpsuit and all, and reached a hand up to his head. Instead of feeling his own tangled mess of hair, his hand—no, Naruto's hand—met with bouncy spikes of what Kiba knew was obnoxious yellow hair. _Geez_, he thought, _just how much shampoo does this guy __**use**__?_ He pressed his hand down on his head and the hair immediately sprang back up. It was a peculiar feeling for someone who had no idea what a comb even looked like and he was just about to do it again when he noticed Hinata sending a rather scary death glare his way.

The fact that she was only three feet to the left of him was worrying.

The fact that she was a Hyuuga with, despite anything her father might say, a great mastery of her clan's techniques, was also worrying.

The fact that she had improved her speed and the strength of her attacks during her training with Kiba and Shino was the worst part. For the first time ever, he cursed himself for helping Hinata train.

He quickly dropped the henge and reverted to his old self, hoping removing the technique would be enough to calm her.

Shino raised an eyebrow at Kiba, as if he knew all the thoughts that just ran through his friend's head. He then completed the transformation technique on himself, and the surrounding smoke cleared to reveal a boy of fifteen with pretty much no resemblance to Shino apart from his drab taste in clothes. It was interesting to note that the boy did not wear sunglasses, and his eyes were green with a little bit of yellow in them. Kiba doubted this was Shino's real eye color because it would just be too weird with the rest of his appearance, but decided he should keep his mouth shut in the hopes that doing so would protect his few remaining brain cells.

Hinata smiled approvingly at Shino, and glared darkly at Kiba, before transforming herself into a civilian-esque blonde girl of around the same proportions as her real form. The two turned to Kiba expectantly, and this time, he thought about what he wanted to look like before completing the jutsu.

When he had altered his appearance to that of a blue-haired, brown-eyed, dark-skinned, shorts and t-shirt wearing civilian, Hinata gave him a critical look before nodding shortly. They were ready to carry out the plan.

_Now, with Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast (Rock Lee)_

Lee stopped before the city gates after hugging Izumo and Kotetsu, and looked at his list again. He realized he was going to have to keep track of who he hugged otherwise this mission would become confusing and he would end up hugging people multiple times. While that was not a bad thing, because **everyone** can do with lots of hugs, it would slow Lee down on this very important mission and Lee could not fail his sensei. Not when the other man was nearly dying thanks to that unyouthful tree branch.

Lee forced his mind away from such traumatic thoughts, and decided to ask Kotetsu for a pen.

The chuunin guard stared blankly at him, so Lee turned and repeated his request to Izumo, only to receive the same response. Lee did not wish to be rude or impose himself upon them, but his deadline was pressing on—after all, it was nearly 6:30 in the morning, which meant he only had about eleven or twelve hours left (Lee had never been very good at estimating things like this). So, he hopped over the counter and quickly retrieved a pen, then went back to his side before either of the "guards" noticed he had moved. He then proceeded to check his list.

_Shino………check!_

_Kiba……….check!_

_Hinata……check!_

_Ichiraku Ramen Bar crew…………check!_

Lee was glad the list did not go into specific names as he really did not know everyone, especially at Ichiraku. That was Naruto's favorite restaurant, and though Lee finds it hard to hate any food, he prefers curry, particularly Karashi-kun's of the Curry of Life shop. Lee ignored his stomach's sudden growling and forced his attention back to the list.

_People in street…………check!_ he wrote, even as he marveled at the coolness of Gai-sensei knowing those particular people were in need of a hug. He ran into them outside of Konoha's main technology store, where they were arguing over how to operate the strange device they had purchased. Well, one was arguing. The other boy just stared off into the distance while the girl watched the blue-haired kid yell obscenities at the item.

Spotting the next name on the list, Lee frowned, wondering if he would be able to accomplish this part of the mission. He was not one to give up easily, but it seemed very unlikely that he would come across this person in Konoha and be able to give him a hug. Lee decided to work on the other names on the list first, then he would prepare for the trip he would have to make later on. He just hoped he would be able to move fast enough.

As soon as he thought that, of course, Kotetsu and Izumo came out of their trances and glared angrily at Lee. Lee did understand _why_ he kept getting that reaction. He was beginning to think people were far more lacking in youthfulness than even Gai-sensei realized! Otherwise, a simple hug would not be this much of a shock to them and they would be able to use their motor functions immediately afterwards because they were used to the loving youthfulness. Lee's expression turned sad as he realized just how un-loved all these people were. He resolved to hug the next people on his list twice as hard to get their youthful juices flowing.

At the moment, though, he needed to deal with Izumo and Kotetsu's angry glares. "Comrades of Youth!" he declared. "I see you have awakened from your trances. Perhaps you would care to help me spread the youth?" he asked hopefully.

Izumo said nothing, choosing instead to glare at Lee while thinking of the perfect jutsu to prevent the boy from hugging anyone else (although our hero-in-green was unaware of this). Kotetsu, on the other hand, was spluttering like an idiot and Lee could not help but notice the similarities between now and his earlier hug to Team Eight.

Deciding it would be best to handle this situation quickly, Lee said, "Well, I must go 'youth' some more people now." Kotetsu and Izumo went back into a trance. "Youth will not wait!" he said excitedly, as he pumped his fist in the air, then transferred to the nice-guy pose for only the second time that day. Waving, he turned and ran off, not noticing the daze the two chuunin were in. If he had noticed, he would have become concerned because the two were drooling quite badly, and that was not only unyouthful, but thoroughly disgusting.

Lee also did not notice the three figures tailing him, one operating a familiar infernal device and the other two glancing conspicuously around at Lee's work. Nor did he notice when they suddenly sped up, and ran ahead of him.

_Elsewhere, with Gai-sensei_

Unseen in his bed in his apartment, still wearing his purple-dinosaur print long-johns, Gai-sensei wept tears of youthful joy.


	4. I am here to hug you

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

I have no idea what the hell happened but this was originally supposed to be Chapter 4. Apparently, something got screwed up and Chapter 3 was posted twice. If you have read this and something was only messed up on my end, sorry, but if you haven't read this and later chapters made zero sense to you, than I am sorry again. I am going to check the other chapters just to make sure everything is OK, but hopefully, this only happened once.

"**I am here to hug you."**

_Previously, Gai-sensei wept in his bed while Hinata, Kiba, and Shino transformed into civilians, and tried to operate an infernal device. Lee hugged Kotetsu and Izumo, who were very much enraged by this action, then promptly left to hug someone else._

Meanwhile, Lee was searching for Team Asuma, the next available group on his hug-list.

"Hello, Shikamaru-san," Lee called when he saw one of the people he was looking for, slowing so that the other chuunin could actually see him.

"Oh, hi, Lee," Shikamaru said. He did not bother to wave.

Lee looked around for a second before asking, "Where is Temari-san?"

Shikamaru went slightly pink and said awkwardly, "Why would you assume I know that?"

Lee was confused. "Because you two are dating, are you not?"

Shikamaru was definitely pink now, and Lee heard him mumble something along the lines of: "Geez, even Lee knows…? How troublesome…" before he answered, "Um, no, she is in a meeting with the Hokage.

"Aah," Lee said. "Where is the rest of your team?"

"At the barbeque joint. Asuma said he would take Chouji out if Chouji trained for three hours, and Ino tagged along…I don't know why. I assume it's something about getting Chouji to eat less. She'll probably use her medic knowledge on him, knowing her." Shikamaru frowned, thinking of his teammate telling his friend to eat less to save his arteries.

"Why are you not with them?" Lee asked, interrupting his musings.

"Troublesome chuunin exams," Shikamaru answered by way of explanation. "I'm helping organize them."

Lee nodded at this. "Then I must make my way to the barbeque restaurant, and then to the Hokage Tower," Lee said loudly. "But first…" he trailed off as he quickly moved towards Shikamaru, whose eyes widened slightly, but who did not bother to jump out of the way. "There!" Lee beamed. "I can now check off another person from my hug-list!"

Lee pulled out a piece of paper and Shikamaru saw his name, along with several others, with a neat "tick" beside it.

_Hug-list?_ Shikamaru thought. _What on earth…?_ his thoughts trailed off as his mind registered the pin Lee had attached to his flak jacket after hugging him tightly. His reaction was not dissimilar from that off his predecessors, and as Lee ran off for the millionth time, Shikamaru finally understood why he had seen so many dazed people wandering around town today.

He shrugged and continued his own trek through town.

* * *

_Now, with Chouji, Ino, Asuma_

Lee entered the barbeque building and looked around, quickly spotting his targets. He hugged his way toward them, and stopped at their table.

"Hello, Lee," Asuma said, inclining his head towards the boy. Lee nodded his own greeting back.

"Hi, Lee," Ino said, waving slightly. Lee beamed at her.

Chouji crammed another piece of meat in his mouth. Lee's smile dropped a little at the youthful-in-the-wrong ways display.

"Would you like some food?" Asuma asked politely. Chouji glared at him, but Lee respectfully said, "No, thank you. I am not hungry." He paused, and Chouji took this opportunity to finish off the meat in case Lee changed his mind. "I am here to hug you," Lee said.

Chouji swallowed most of his food loudly and gaped at him.

"Ew, close your mouth, Chouji, that's disgusting!" Ino screeched. Chouji complied.

Lee hugged Asuma first, making sure the pin was safely attached to his jounin vest, before he moved on to Chouji. Chouji was harder to pin because of his armor, but Lee managed to get him.

Ino proved to be most difficult. Having watched Lee's strange actions, she knew what was coming for her and she screamed as he zipped forward, the sound loud and piercing and shrill enough to force Lee to stop in his tracks to cover his ears.

Asuma and Chouji seemed unaffected as Ino continued to scream. "Don't come any closer, Eyebrow-boy! I just got my hair done and I don't want it messed up!" she yelled.

Lee stared at her. "I only wish to hug you," he said. "I must spread the youth!"

Ino screamed again, and Lee was genuinely confused. "What is wrong?" he asked. "You are next on my list!"

She jumped up and grabbed the cast iron pan from the table. "Don't come any closer!" she said again. "I mean it!"

Lee came to the conclusion that she had misunderstood his intentions. _It must be because many men want to hug for more than youth!_ he thought wisely. So Lee did the one thing any smart Taijutsu-using, green spandex leotard-wearing shinobi would do.

He removed his weights.

Ino gulped loudly, realizing now that resistance was futile. She closed her eyes, knowing that if she tried to watch him, it would just make her sick. He moved too fast.

Lee beamed at her again, though she could not see it, and hugged and pinned her, and everyone else in the store that he hadn't got on his way in, and replaced his weights back on his legs, in under second.

When she opened her eyes, he was gone, and everyone in the building had an "I've been YOUTHED!" pin clinging to some part of their clothing. Her's was respectfully placed on her shoulder. She sat back down, and ate the one piece of meat Chouji had missed, as she waited for her teammates to recover.

_

* * *

__Elsewhere, with the Henge'ed Team Eight, who, by the way, are the same people with the "infernal device," though I am sure you all figured that out ages ago._

"Did you get it?" the blue-haired boy asked eagerly.

The darkly dressed boy did not respond, instead pressing a few buttons on the video camera.

The girl looked over his shoulder, a slight smile on her face. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Ki—I mean, Baise-kun?" she asked.

The one she directed her question at, the first boy, glared at her for a second, though it was all in jest. He smiled brightly and said, "Of course it is!! Would you _really_ want an opportunity like this to pass by unnoticed? Lee-san is being so nice and hugging everyone, and all we're doing is filming it so that these good memories of happy times do not go to waste."

The second boy snorted, a trait that his unhenge'ed form did not frequently do. "You mean so that you can make sure no one forgets it."

'Baise' shrugged. "Maybe. It is nice to have some decent blackmail material though…" he said.

The girl glared at him, and he quickly raised his arms. "I'm only kidding, Hina-" he stopped himself. "Um, sorry, what was your name again?" he asked.

Her eyes narrowed, and the boy gulped. "Hasal," she said.

"…That was a bad choice," Baise decided.

The other two thought about it, and, while the girl turned pink, the green-yellow eyed kid laughed and said, "And to prevent confusion, my name is Sasho."

The other two nodded seriously. "Right," Baise said, rubbing his hands together mischeviously, "shall we go to the Hokage tower?"

'Sasho' and 'Hasal' nodded their agreement, and Sasho took one last clip of the scene before them before the trio turned to go.


	5. Hugging the Hokage

The following story is brought to you by Jill's deranged mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

And so you know, Hinata's codename ('Hasal') is pronounced as either "hassle" or "asshole" with an "h." Jill intended for it to be the latter, but Howard pointed out that "hassle" works better.

WARNING: Severe randomness ahead. I am not sure if this chapter takes the story on a turn for the worse or not but I just ate lots of Cadbury's Mini Eggs, so be warned…mmm…chocolate!

**Hugging the Hokage**

Lee entered the Hokage Tower and was outside Tsunade's office in such an insignificant amount of time it is not even worth mentioning. The startled ANBU guards in the halls looked at each other confusedly for a second before they all took off in the wrong direction, attempting to catch the invader.

_Meanwhile, with Team Eight_

Team Eight ran through the doors at the bottom of the tower, and hurried to catch the swift Green Beast. They passed the guards who stopped, looked around again, then shrugged and gave up, deciding instead to go get some coffee in the break room.

_And Back with Lee_

Though he knew the lady was in an important meeting, it did not occur to the generally polite, patient, and courteous Lee to knock or wait quietly outside. Instead, he pulled a Naruto and barged into the room without warning.

"So, I think we should send Shikamaru to Suna to assist with the new academy, as Iruka is—Lee, what are you doing here?" Tsunade asked, looking around for Shizune, who she was most likely going to yell at for allowing someone to slip past her security.

Shizune balked slightly at Tsunade's tone and glare, but Lee stepped forward and the Hokage was sufficiently distracted for Shizune to make her escape with Tonton.

"Hokage-sama, I am on a very important mission," Lee said.

Tsunade frowned. "No, you're not. I haven't assigned any missions today." She looked at one of the many scrolls on her desk then back at Lee. "Nope, no missions."

Lee smiled at her. "Hokage-sama, you are correct, you did not assign me any missions. But I am on a mission of Youth for Gai-sensei!" Lee placed his feet two feet apart on the floor, shifted his weight to one leg, and stuck his right hand out, thumb up. "This youthful mission of hugging people to spread the youth around has brought me to your door! While Gai-sensei lies on his death bed from the injuries the unyouthful tree branch inflicted on him, I am tasked with hugging all the sad people in Konoha! I must complete this task by sunset, or else!" Lee said dramatically, though he still had his huge smile on and had not shifted out of the nice-guy pose, which made it all seem rather odd.

Tsunade blinked. Lee beamed, figuring he had done the right thing by just getting the explanation out of the way first, then moving straight into the hugging. After all, look how Ino had reacted.

As he thought this through, he did not notice Temari edging slightly towards the door. Just when she was about to fling it open and run for freedom, however, 'Baise', 'Hasal', and 'Sasho' charged in.

Temari jumped, landing even further away from the door than she had been positioned originally.

The transformed Team Eight (though no one in the room knew this apart from them) looked frantically around, and, spotting Lee, proceeded to shout, "Hang on!" and then set up a camera on a tripod.

Tsunade blinked. _How much sake did I drink last night?_ she thought. _I am __**really**__ going to have to listen to Shizune when she tells me stop…_

Lee blinked also, and the same affect that happened when he was talking to Gai-sensei last evening occurred here. Everyone stared because he looked really weird. "What are you doing?" Lee politely inquired of the three shinobi disguised as civilian.

"Crap," Baise/Kiba said.

"Shimatta," Sasho/Shino stated.

"…" Hasal/Hinata echoed. Then she fainted.

"Hey, wait," Lee said excitedly, "I know you!"

Baise paled.

Sasho stared.

Hasal was still unconscious, on the floor.

Tsunade was mentally trying to figure out how many bottles she had polished off last night. _Was I alone?_

Temari was now edging towards the window, wondering if it was even possible to open, so that she could escape. Lee seemed nice enough in the chuunin exams, especially considering what her brother did to him, but still.

"Ah, yes!" Lee cried, causing everyone to jump, including poor Hinata who had only just woken up. She fainted again at the loud noise, but luckily did not have far to fall. "I hugged you in the street. You were on Gai-sensei's list." A look of admiration came over Lee's face. "Gai-sensei knew you would be standing in the road in that very spot! How cool! How very Youthful!" Lee shifted his position, now standing with his hands clenched in loose fists in front of his face as he cried youthfully.

Everyone in the room (apart from Hinata) blinked. Then, they turned to stare at one another. Temari looked at Tsunade who looked at Kiba who looked at Shino who looked at Lee.

Shizune walked cautiously back in, having sensed from outside that she was no longer in danger from Tsunade, and took in the scene. Shizune stared down at the pig in her arms, who stared at Temari staring at Tsunade staring at Kiba staring at Shino staring at Lee, who turned and beamed at Shizune.

Everyone quickly shut their eyes. Lee took advantage of this, and began hugging and pinning the occupants of the Hokage's office before they could recover from his blindingly white teeth.

He hugged Temari first. She stiffened slightly, but thankfully, did not try to bash him with a cast iron pan or her fan. He gave her a little squeeze to show his thankfulness.

Then he hugged Tonton, figuring he better not leave anyone out.

He quickly hugged Shizune, and was surprised when she returned it slightly. He was delighted! All day long, he had been hugging people, but everyone had always been shocked and in a trance, or scared and murderous, and no one had returned the favor or seemed grateful. Pulling back slightly, he looked at Shizune and decided she would be a great match for Gai-sensei. However, matchmaking was not Lee's thing, even as youthful as it was, so he did not plan anything, and just placed the pin on her jacket before moving to hug the Hokage.

This was going to be difficult, Lee knew.

The woman had not fully recovered yet, but still, as soon as she did… Lee had a painful image of him flying through the air, with the Hokage yelling from the window, her fist raised in anger. Yes, he could easily see the Hokage hitting him over a hug.

Cautiously, Lee moved forward. He stood at the side of her chair, and watched her face very, very carefully as he leaned over and wrapped his arms around her.

Unfortunately, the Hokage chose that moment to come to, and she turned, evidently shocked to find Lee leaning over her in preparation for a hug.

So Lee ended up hugging her with his face in…well, it was awkward.

Especially when you remember that at the beginning of this chapter, Team Eight came in and set up a camera on a tripod, which they were using to film the events.

Baise chuckled evilly. "I have got to do this more often!" he said.

Sasho glared slightly at him, but it was not heart-felt. He only did it out of duty to the still unconscious Hasal. Secretly, he was thinking the same thing.

Temari jumped out of her shock and took in the situation before her. _Dear lord! _she thought.

Shizune had never really been in a trance and she could feel her jaw hanging loosely from the rest of her face. _What is Lee-kun_ _**doing**__?_ she thought panickedly.

Just when everyone thought the Hokage was going to boil, something incredible happened.

No, Tsunade did not laugh. That would be cheesy and much too predictable.

Instead, the door banged open yet again, and Ino, and the now conscious Chouji and Asuma entered the room.

Shino whipped the camera in their direction.

"What the…?" Ino said.

* * *

Hhmm, I'm not sure if that turned out quite how I wanted it to but I like it anyway. Let me know what you think please! I have started writing Chapter 6, but if this is a bad way of writing, I want to know before I plunge ahead. I figured it was easier to just let everyone know that Team Eight keeps trailing Lee cause it's getting annoying trying to hide them...


	6. Who the hell are you?

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

**Who the hell are you?**

Team Ten gawked at the sight before them, stunned at what they saw. Ino sighed loudly as Chouji and Asuma-sensei went back into their comas, and she did her best to catch them before they hit the ground. Placing them carefully beside the unconscious girl lying on the floor, she stood back up and resumed her previous "What is going on?" stance.

Lee's arms were wrapped around the Hokage's shoulders and his face was pressed against a part of her that most men dreamed about but none had ever gotten close to, no matter how hard they tried. Jiraiya springs suspiciously to mind.

Temari and Shizune, standing at opposite sides of the room, seemed to be mirroring one another, as both had their mouths opened wide in horror.

Two random kids were filming this, one with a look of pure glee on his face and the other with no facial expression at all.

Glaring at them, Ino demanded, "Who the hell are you?"

They both looked at her guiltily, and exchanged an unreadable glance with one another. The boy with blue hair said, "We're reporters!"

The other glanced at him again, then turned back to Ino. "Yes, that's right. We're reporters."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. She could see Lee's arms flailing in her peripheral vision as the Hokage's face turned a dangerous red. "What are you reporting on?" she asked in a falsely sweet conversational tone.

The boys gulped. The Hokage was now putting Lee in a chokehold, and she took a big breath.

Ino quickly hid herself, deciding she would yell at these reporters later. That is, if the Hokage did not get to them first.

The boys seemed to arrive at the same conclusion, because they quickly removed the camera from the tripod, grabbed the girl from the floor and rushed out the door. No one paid attention to them leaving.

They set up their stuff just outside the door, but no one noticed that either.

Right now, everyone inside the office was focusing on the Hokage, who released that big breath and took another. This time, when she exhaled, it was in a long string of curse words that shamed Lee's Youthful ears. Then she took another breath and started over. This process repeated a few times before she had calmed sufficiently to use her breath to rant at Lee.

"Rock Lee, I never took you for a pervert but I can see I was mistaken!!!!" she yelled without using punctuation. "You are worse than Ebisu, the Closet Pervert! You are worse than Naruto! You are worse than Kakashi! You are even worse than Jiraiya! _Jiraiya!!! The Legendary Super-Pervert_!!!! You are worse than him!!!!!!!!"

Lee turned red. He was ashamed. _I had no idea Naruto-kun was a pervert_, he thought as the Hokage continued yelling at him.

"Not even _Jiraiya_ has put his face on my breasts!" the Hokage yelled.

Lee turned a darker shade of red. He was now bordering on purple, rivaling Hinata's blushing skills.

"You. Are. Dis-missed!!" the Hokage yelled once more, as she hefted Lee up and threw him out the window.

_Oh_, Lee thought, _I was right. She did choose the window._ Lee wondered if Gai-sensei could see him up here and waved just in case.

_Back in the Office, with Temari, Shizune, Tsunade, Team Ten, and Team Eight_

Tsunade was fuming. Temari jumped out the now open window, anxious to get away from the office, and Konoha, as quickly as possible. She would send a replacement to finish the diplomatic meeting later.

Shizune hugged Tonton carefully, both watching the Hokage warily.

Ino decided that hiding under the desk was probably not a wise idea, considering who owned the desk, so she moved next to her teammate and sensei, just as Tsunade brought her chakra-charged fist down onto it. It splintered with a CRACK! and a large piece dropped to the floor where Ino had been previously crouching.

"That boy!" Tsunade growled. "That-that boy!" she said again, unnoticing, or perhaps uncaring, that her assistant and one of her apprentice's were watching her very warily.

Shizune grabbed Asuma and Ino grabbed Chouji and they both dragged the men out of the room, banging into three people on the other side.

_Outside the Office, with Kiba/Baise, Shino/Sasho, Hinata/Hasal, Ino, Shizune, Asuma, Chouji, and Tonton_

Kiba yelped as Shizune and Ino exited the room, dragging two of Ino's team out with them.

Ino wakled right into the tripod, which fell over, and Kiba yelped in horror. "The camera!" he said, diving forward.

He landed on Ino, who fell and landed on Chouji. "God dammit!" Ino growled. "Stop falling over, people!"

A hand was clamped firmly over her mouth. Her eyes widened and she tried to turn her head to see who dared do this to her.

"If you talk loudly, the Hokage will hear us and we will be yelled at. I do not want to be punished for Lee-san's actions." A man with green-yellow eyes was speaking. _Damn, what boring clothes_, Ino thought, as she nodded her head to show her acknowledgement of his warning. He released her a few seconds later, and she took in a big breath of air.

Unfortunately, this action was mistaken and the hand went back over her mouth.

Someone snickered. The man turned his head, and groaned. "Ki-Baise, not here! We are filming Lee, not ourselves!"

The other man had a sheepish grin on his face but his brown-eyes held little apology. "I just wanted to make the video better!"

Ino's eyes narrowed. _I recognize both these guys' speech! But from where? And how did this guy know Lee?_

Shizune had set Asuma on the ground and had given him a quick examination. "He's fine," she said, though no one had asked. She moved on to Chouji, and a crash was heard from the other room.

Loud swearing soon followed.

The two boys looked at each other. "We better get out of here," the calm one said.

The other nodded anxiously. "Do you promise to remain quiet?" the green eyed man asked Ino.

She nodded slowly, and he cautiously removed his hand from her mouth and his arm from around her waist.

The boys grabbed their camera equipment and went back to the girl. Ino and Shizune were not paying them any attention, and Baise said to Sasho, "I can't keep her henge up any longer! It's using a lot of my chakra, since I had to do it so fast when she fainted! Twice!"

Shino nodded, and said, "We must get out of here quickly. I would also like to avoid the Hokage."

"Hey, wait!" Ino said, interrupting them. "Where do you think you're going? You owe me an explanation." Her hands were on her hips, in her traditional Ino-pig pose, though they never dared call it that to her face.

"Perhaps we can resume this discussion outside?" Shino suggested as something was thrown at the door, denting it outwards.

Ino looked over at the door quickly and her eyes widened in horror. "Yeah, good idea!"

She grabbed Chouji, Shizune grabbed Asuma, Kiba grabbed Hinata, Shino grabbed the camera equipment, and Tonton didn't grab anything.

They all ran down the hall as quickly as possible.

_Meanwhile, with Our Youthful Hero in Green_

Lee landed with a loud crash! and a groan in a very unyouthful position near the academy.

"How convenient!" he proclaimed, standing up and dusting himself off. A person as youthful as Lee was never kept down for long.

He walked inside, unnoticing of the stares he was receiving from the students in the playgrounds as he hugged them, and went to his old classroom.

"Iruka-sensei!" he called excitedly as he entered the room.

The man looked up from his desk, where he was grading papers as he ate his lunch. "Oh, hello, Lee! I haven't seen you in a while."

"Yes, I have been busy," Lee responded.

Iruka looked him over carefully. "Lee," the older chuunin said slowly, "why do you look like the Hokage just threw you out of a window?"

"Oh, but she **did** throw me out the window, Iruka-sensei!" Lee said, feeling slightly woozy. He plopped down in a chair nearby, and said, "Would you please wait one moment? I need to hug you."

His former teacher stared at him, and nodded slowly.

Lee regained his breath, and shook his head to clear out the last of the dizziness. Then he retrieved a pin from his vest. _I am running low on pins_, he thought. _I will have to pick some more up from Gai-sensei's house!_

He quickly hugged Iruka, who was still watching him carefully, then trotted over to the door, and waved, shouting, "Goodbye, Iruka-sensei! Have a nice day!"

That hug felt very anti-climax. Lee shrugged, and finished off the rest of the school, with only three pins left, then returned to his sensei's apartment.

"Gai-sensei!" he called. There was no reply. "Gai-sensei?" He entered the man's bedroom and gazed in horror at the sight before him.

_Meanwhile, outside the Hokage Tower, with Team Ten (minus Shikamaru) and Eight and Shizune and Tonton_

"Oh…wow." Shizune couldn't think of anything else to say, but she hugged Tonton closer.

Ino, however, had lots to say and she made sure everyone knew it. "You mean he's been at this all day!?!?!" she shrieked, much to the pain of everyone's ears. "And you guys have been filming it?" She looked at them admiringly for a second before she continued. "But what's with the transformations? And what are you going to do with the video?"

To this, the still-transformed Kiba only replied with another of his wicked grins.


	7. Need to know Basis

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

Sorry it took so long to upload this! I actually had it done on Friday **last week** (I know!), but stupid EeBee wouldn't read it so it took a little while to get it on here. It's a little longer than the previous chapters but I don't think that will kill anyone.

**Need-to-know Basis**

Lee blinked, unsure anymore if he was dreaming, delusional, or really seeing…the sight before him.

The bright light shone down upon the room and lit the man and the entire area before Lee.

Lee pinched his arm, but he felt the pain. He dismissed that. He never really knew what arm-pinching proved when a person wanted to find out if they were dreaming or not.

He looked back up. The terrible sight was still there.

"Gai-sensei?" he asked, hoping it was not true.

His teacher looked up, and went bright pink with embarrassment, shame, and sheepishness. He had not noticed Lee standing at the doorway, watching him.

There was no denying it. Gai-sensei was the man in this room and the sight before him was definitely real.

Lee blinked again but did not step forward into the room. He was too shocked.

"Lee!" his teacher said guiltily. "It's not how it looks!"

Lee looked around the room, then at his teacher. He was shocked. He couldn't believe his teacher, his beloved Gai-sensei, was doing _this_.

Gai stared at him beseechingly, asking with his eyes and facial expression for Lee to understand.

Lee stared back at his teacher, trying to understand why, oh why, it had come to _this_.

Around them, the music continued blaring, and the screen flashed with arrows. Numbers appeared on the screen, but Lee remained still.

It felt as though time slowed down for this moment, so that it would ingrain itself in Lee's memory forever, despite how much he really didn't want it there.

He looked away from his teacher, his expression confused, sad, and a little frightened all at once.

He took a breath, particular attention to how it felt in his windpipe and then circling through his lungs.

He released it and noted that his head felt funny because he kept the air in his lungs too long. He breathed more normally, though he had to forcibly do so.

Finally, Lee looked back at his teacher and spoke, keeping his eyes on his teacher's face the whole time.

"Gai-sensei, why are you playing Dance Dance Revolution?"

Gai fainted.

_Somewhere else, with Ino, Kiba, Shino, Shizune, and Tonton, and the still unconscious Hinata, Chouji and Asuma_

"Well, I would love to help you out with this, but I better go back to the Tower before Tsunade-sama goes berserk," Shizune said, glancing fearfully at the building as she mentioned it. "If Tsunade-sama catches me participating in this, she'll have my head. Especially since you guys got everything on video."

Ino, Kiba, and Shino nodded seriously.

"May I offer you some advice?" Shizune asked.

They nodded again.

"I would only tell people about this on a need-to-know basis. Tsunade might go on the rampage and from the looks of everyone around here, Lee's been hugging and mentally scarring people all day. They may want to hurt him."

Picking up Tonton, Shizune waved as she walked away. They watched her leave, each praying silently that she made it out alive again, then turned back to the matter at hand: Wake up the teammates.

_Gai-sensei's home, with Lee and the just-now-waking-up Gai_

"Gai-sensei, are you alright?" Lee asked his teacher, a worried look on his face.

Gai blinked slowly, the world appearing fuzzy at first, then gaining clarity as he came to. Lee hovered over him nervously and Gai would have jumped if not for the fact that it would make him bash his Most Youthful Student. Instead, he eeped like a frightened mouse.

"'Eeep'?" Lee repeated.

Gai nodded lamely, then said, "Lee, I can explain everything you saw earlier." He spoke quickly, "You see, Sakura-san came by and told me I had to exercise my foot so that my toe would get better and it would improve my chances of living and remaining youthful, despite the actions of that tree branch. So I thought playing DDR would be the best way to do this…" Gai was making up lame excuses.

"Oh, I see," Lee said, nodding wisely. "That makes perfect sense."

"It does?" Gai asked. "Oh, yes, of course it does. Springtime of Youth and all that!" he chuckled nervously.

"Yes, I can even see how playing DDR would improve your taijutsu. You have to have quick reflexes and must execute perfectly coordinated moves to achieve the perfect score," Lee said.

Gai sweatdropped.

"Though I do not understand why you were playing in your pajamas," Lee stated, remembering what he had walked in on: Gai-sensei, standing on the DDR platform, in his long-johns, dancing to Katie Perry's _Hot n' Cold_. It was traumatizing, and Lee was sure he would never be able to get the image out of his head. He wondered if he would ever be able to look at Gai-sensei the same again.

"I will have to play with you sometime, when I finish this mission," Lee continued aloud, hoping Gai-sensei would not catch on to his train of thought.

"Who have you hugged so far?" Gai asked, distracted from his nerves by this statement.

"Most of the town," Lee replied. He pulled out his list. "I got Shino, Hinata, and Kiba and Team Ten earlier; you last evening; Ichiraku this morning; almost all the civilians throughout the day; the Hokage, Shizune, Tonton, and Temari about twenty minutes ago; Iruka-sensei, the students in the academy just before I came here; some people in the road…" he trailed off, skimming through his list.

"Have you hugged my Eternal Rival yet?" Gai asked.

Lee shook his head. "Not yet, Gai-sensei. I must hug him and the other jounins, the genins, and the ANBU. I also have the Akatsuki, Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Sasuke left, and the people of Suna. I also have to hug Sakura-san," Lee said, his eyes shining with Youthful Love. "I only returned here and saw you in your long-johns playing DDR to a Katie Perry song because I needed to get some more pins." Lee looked at his teacher. "I will hug Kakashi-sensei next, for you, Gai-sensei!" he declared. "So that you may be youthful again and have your sense in music return!" Lee finished, assuming the song he had heard earlier was a mistake because Gai-sensei was dying and did not have all his sensibilities about him.

Gai-sensei's sweatdrop returned. "Um, yes, Lee, very good." Then he thought of something. "Why the people of Suna? What about the other villages?"

Lee's expression was solemn. "Gaara-sama has had an unhappy life. And I cannot neglect a whole city once I am there! As for the other villages, I do not think even I can make it there in a day. I will have to make that another Mission of Youth!"

Gai nodded slowly.

"Well, now I know you are better, Gai-sensei, I must be leaving to find Kakashi-sensei." Lee stood from the chair. "Youth does not wait, you know!"

Gai watched his student leave, sincerely hoping his student would use his knowledge of Gai's recent activities on a need-to-know basis—meaning no one else finds out!

Lee was out in the street now, and he called back through Gai's open window, "Have fun playing DDR, Gai-sensei! Be sure you do not damage your toe further!" His student waved cheerfully.

Gai cringed.

_Still outside the Hokage Tower, with all those people_

"Finally! You two woke up!" Ino said. "Now go home immediately because you guys keep fainting and its getting annoying." She paused. "And you're in severe medical conditions," she added authoritatively.

Asuma and Chouji looked at her fearfully, and she sighed, wondering if she maybe over did the medic-nin thing. "You'll live. Go away."

Asuma didn't need second telling and ran quickly away, presumably to find Kurenai.

Chouji ran off, too, because his chips had all exploded when he fainted and fell on them, and he was hungry.

"Good!" Ino said. "Now, let's wake Hinata up."

"I'll do that!" Kiba said, worried Ino would use the same method on his teammate that she had used on her own teammates. She narrowed her eyes at him but didn't stop him from gently shaking Hinata awake. Kiba was relieved; Hinata probably would not survive one of Ino's rough "shake-their-organs-out-their-orifices-until-they-regain-consciousness" techniques to waking people.

Hinata's eyes fluttered open, and she looked up at Kiba. "I-I fainted?" she asked. He nodded. "When?"

"Lee asked what we were doing."

Hinata nodded. "I remember that. What are we doing now?"

"Ino is going to help us out," Shino stated.

Ino grinned evilly. "Yeah, I need to get vengeance."

"Vengeance?" Hinata echoed. An image of Sasuke flashed through her head.

Ino nodded.

"What for?" Kiba asked curiously.

"Lee barged into the hospital yesterday and demanded Sakura and I stop what we were doing to examine Gai-sensei, who'd just had 'a terrible Accident of Youth!'," Ino said, mimicking Lee's voice.

"Is that connected to Lee's current actions?" Shino asked curiously.

Ino shrugged. "It might be. All I know is, I was busy trying to make an antidote one minute, and then being called 'unyouthful' the next." She glared at an imaginary Lee. "So Sakura and I went and examined him and all he had done was stubbed his damn toe!"

Kiba, Hinata, and Shino blinked. "Wow, Gai-sensei is lame," Kiba said, not even knowing about the DDR.

The others, including Hinata, nodded.

"So, what's next, partners?" she asked Kiba and Shino.

"First, you need to henge yourself," Kiba stated.

"Then, it is time we head to the village market again," Shino added.

They both looked in the direction of the market, and Ino and Hinata followed their gaze.

"Oh," Hinata said. "He's got to hug the jounins."


	8. Hugging Gai's Eternal Rival

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

Sorry for the lateness of the update here. Jill has caught a cold from her siblings (stupid EeBee), and so has not been inclined to write any more than her schooling requires. Actually, that's not true. Jill has been writing, but about other random ideas that popped into her strange and slightly demented mind earlier. These ideas will eventually become stories, and then you can all wait for Jill to update them, too! Yay!

Credit goes to **Felix the Eeveetrainer** for the Ikkyou Houyo no Jutsu (Translates as Surprise Hug Technique).

**Hugging an Eternal Rival in the Springtime of Youth is Not an Easy Thing to Do**

"Kakashi-sensei, Kakashi-sensei!" a voice called out. It was a voice that Kakashi, who was hiding in the dango shop with the other jounin and even ANBU members, recognized very well.

He popped up from behind the large barrel he and Anko had chosen to crouch behind and waved at his former student. "Sakura," he called, "come here! Quickly!"

Sakura jogged into the dango shop, eyes wide at the sheer number of people who seemed to be hiding from something in this particular building. They were not all hidden very well, and she was sure the only person besides Naruto, who wasn't even in Konoha at the moment, who wouldn't be able to spot them was Lee. He would either be running too fast or would just fail completely to see through their genjutsu thanks to his spoiled chakra coils.

Eyebrows raised, Sakura trotted up to her sensei. "Kakashi-sensei," she began, "what are you do—AAH!" she yelped as a hand quickly yanked her down by her arm.

"There he is!" someone whispered in a frightened tone.

Sakura glanced up and noticed that the whole of the Leaf Village's ANBU squad was crouching on the roof, upside-down.

Turning to Kakashi, she was about to protest when the hand went over her mouth.

"Shh! He's coming by again!" a woman's voice whispered.

This time, Sakura caught a glimpse of a figure running by and her eyes widened once more when she recognized who it was. "Why are you hiding from Lee?" she asked, as she pulled the hand away from her mouth.

Everyone in the room glared at her.

Lee, out on the street, turned slightly, and regarded the dango shop with interest. He could most likely only see five of the people in it from his position, but, if he came closer, he would be able to see most of the jounin and ANBU attacking Sakura behind the large barrel.

"Shh!" Kakashi said. "If we make any more noise, he'll come over here!"

Everyone shut up.

Lee turned fully, and walked to the store.

Sakura whimpered and tried to make herself a part of the barrel.

Anko, the woman, smirked at her.

Kakashi gave her a sympathetic glance before pulling up his forehead protector to reveal his Sharingan.

"Is it that dangerous?" she asked in a low tone.

Kakashi nodded. "Yes."

"If we aren't careful," Anko said from her other side, "he'll come in and hug us!"

Sakura face-palmed, and then collapsed behind the barrel, unconscious.

Anko regarded her for a moment before turning to Kakashi and stating casually, "You know, she really should not have done that with all that extra chakra."

Kakashi nodded severely again.

_With Lee_

Lee frowned. He could have sworn he saw Sakura jogging just ahead of him, but now she was nowhere to be seen. How disappointing. He was looking forward to hugging her.

Shrugging, he decided to continue his search for Kakashi-sensei, as he still had a promise to Gai-sensei to fulfill.

He looked carefully around, and noted that the dango shop seemed more crowded than usual today. He walked over to it, waving a greeting at the owner as he entered. He stopped.

Five shinobi were sitting at odd places around the room, but something still felt off. He retrieved some pins from his vest anyway, and prepared to hug the people in the room.

They flinched.

Lee frowned.

_What an odd reaction_, Lee thought. He considered the response he got from Izumo and Kotetsu and decided perhaps it was better that these people were still mobile. However, he had not hugged them yet, so there was still time for that to change.

Spotting Genma, Raido, and a few other jounin sitting at a table, Lee moved forward and quickly hugged them. He moved on to the next table, then the staff in the kitchens and behind the counter. He noted from this viewpoint that there were quite a few people sitting behind barrels, for some reason, so he rushed forward and hugged them as well.

"Hi, Kurenai-sensei," he said to Neji's cousin's teacher. She nodded slightly back at him but stopped moving as soon as he hugged her. Her eyes were glued on something above her and Lee wondered what could possibly be wrong.

Glancing upwards as well, he was surprised to note a large number of ANBU members sticking to the roof with their chakra. They all gasped as soon as he tilted his head, so if they were trying to be sneaky, they had unfortunately just given their positions away to whatever enemy may be present.

_Enemy?_ thought Lee, suddenly worried. "Quick!" he called. "Everyone out! There's some sort of trap here!"

Of course, Lee did not know if there really was a trap or not, but the presence of this many ANBU and jounin in one location was too conspicuous for there to not be a problem here.

Everyone in the store suddenly started making noise all at once, and they all charged for the door.

"There's a bomb! It's gonna explode! Quick, Orochimaru or the Akatsuki must be here! Back to your stations! Who's on patrol? Check the gates! Tell the Hokage!" Various ANBU and jounin shouted orders at each other, and most of the people in the restaurant ran off to do as directed.

Lee hugged and pinned everyone who passed him on their way out, then ran into the store further to make sure everyone was safe.

He rounded a corner, and was now behind the large barrels. He gasped. "Sakura-san!! Are you OK?" He crouched down beside her, not noticing the stares he was receiving from the few ANBU and jounin left in the room, and from Kakashi-sensei and Anko-sensei in particular.

The remaining ANBU decided now was the time to make their move, and they dropped from the roof with all the stealth and silence they possessed and tiptoed toward the door.

Lee was there in a flash.

"Ikkyou Houyo no Jutsu!" he shouted as he hugged the masked shinobi attempting to leave the dango shop without his detection.

Sakura sat up with a start. "Lee! I thought you couldn't use shunshin!" she said with surprise as Lee kept disappearing and then reappearing behind people to hug them.

Lee turned back and flashed her a shining grin. "I can't!" he said proudly. "But I can move quickly and make it look as if I am using the Body Flicker Technique to hug people!"

Sakura face-palmed and again knocked herself out.

"She really needs to stop doing that," Anko remarked again.

Kakashi nodded once more.

Lee turned and said, "Kakashi-sensei! There you are!"

Kakashi blanched.

Lee rushed forward in a blur. "Now, I must hug you for Gai-sensei! His Youth depends on it!"

Anko snorted. Lee turned to her. "Oh, yes, do not worry, Anko-sensei, I will hug you too."

Anko paled. Kakashi snorted. Lee brought out two pins. Both jounin whimpered and cowered against the barrel.

Lee smiled, then walked forward.

"Should we bother trying to make an escape?" Anko asked out of the corner of her mouth.

"No," Kakashi responded, shaking his head. "We would never make it away in time. Better just enroll in therapy sessions when we're done." He had already seen the whole hug play out in front of him thanks to his Sharingan. Traumatizing did not even begin to describe how bad it would be.

Anko nodded, then turned her attention fully back to Lee. "I'm ready," she told him fiercely.

Lee, of course, beamed at this and struck the nice-guy pose.

Sakura woke up from the light.

Lee turned to her with hearts in his eyes. "Sakura-san, I will hug you in a moment!"

"…OK?" Sakura replied, still unsure what was going on thanks to her continuous self-knocking-out issues.

"Wait!" Kakashi said, as Lee to move forward, "I am not going to let you do this without a fight!"

Anko nodded determinedly.

Lee frowned. "You wish to fight, Kakashi-sensei? But all I wish to do is hug you!"

Kakashi glared. "I still cannot give in that easily! If you wish to hug me, you're going to have to stop me!"

Anko glanced at him. "You know, that might not have been the best way to word that. Don't forget, he's trained by Gai. He'll pin you down and tie you up if that's what it takes."

Kakashi paled further, but still brought out his kunai.

Lee continued to frown, but also took up his own battle pose. If Kakashi-sensei wants a fight first, Lee would give him a battle to remember. _It will make Gai-sensei so proud to know I fought his Eternal Rival!!!_ Lee thought happily.

_With Team Eight and Ino_

"Wow, I love Lee!" Kiba declared.

Ino turned to regard him slyly. "Do you, now?" she asked in a sultry tone that contrasted completely with the purple-haired glasses-wearing appearance she had transformed into.

Kiba turned red. "Not like that, Machi!" he said, for once remembering the fake name right away.

Hinata blushed also, and stuttered, "Baise-kun, it m-might appear th-that way when you c-consider that you have sp-spent the wh-whole day following him around and f-filming him."

Ino smirked. "Yeah, capturing Lee's every action on tape may be a little obsessive, _Baise-kun_."

Shino coughed. "They have got you there, my friend."

The boy in question spluttered angrily. "You guys are pathetic!" he finally managed.

The others just shrugged.

* * *

Yay! Let the Epic Battle begin!! In the next chapter though...this whole "hug-fest" or "Youthanasia," as one of my beloved readers worded it (**Maerchen Freunde**), is starting to wear me out. Stupid cold.


	9. Fighting Gai's Eternal Rival: Part I

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

**Fighting Gai's Eternal Rival: Part I**

_Previously, the ANBU and jounin of Konoha hid in the dango shop to avoid Lee. Kakashi and Anko hid Sakura with them, and she face-palmed hard enough to knock herself out. Twice. Lee found their hiding spot, and Kakashi foolishly declared that Lee must fight him if he wants to hug Kakashi, while Kiba declared his love for Lee._

_It should be mentioned here that Team Eight and Ino were filming the dango shop's incidents, and so they now have a record of Kiba's declaration. Oh dear._

Anko and Kakashi both had kunai in their hands, but neither moved to use them on Lee.

They appeared to be waiting for Lee to act first, so Lee smiled at them and said, "If you wish to battle, Kakashi-sensei, then I will honor your request. I have always wanted to fight a Sharingan user," Lee confided to the man.

Kakashi nodded. "OK."

Anko stood also, and looked at Lee, before shifting her gaze to Kakashi. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Kakashi?"

"Yes," Kakashi said firmly. "We can't give in without a fight!"

"It _is_ just a hug," Anko pointed out, though Lee could tell she was still taking in her surroundings and forming a strategy for battle.

"You didn't have to see the hug already! It was bad! It was terrible! It was worth fighting to prevent!"

"OK," Anko said with a shrug.

Lee beamed at them. "I get to fight two of my senseis! How cool! How Youthful! Though I must ask," he said with a frown, "if I am going to have to fight you both at once?"

Anko glanced at Kakashi. "Um…"

"Don't worry, Anko, I can handle this alone," Kakashi said.

Sakura just sat on the ground staring at the three of them.

Anko walked over to her and sat down with a "plop!" next to the pink-haired girl.

Kakashi straightened, then suddenly disappeared.

Lee had been expecting that. _The Body Flicker Technique… for real! Which means he'll try to get me from—_

Lee's thoughts were cut off as he sensed a leg moving swiftly to the back of his head. Quickly spinning around, Lee put his arm up and blocked the roundhouse kick to his head, then launched one of his own feet forward to Kakashi, who easily dodged it.

"Kakashi-sensei," Lee frowned, "if we are going to battle, you should probably not rely on taijutsu to beat me. I will undoubtedly win," he pointed out honestly, as they moved quickly backwards down the street, with Lee sending more punches and kicks to Kakashi then the silver-haired man could reciprocate. As if to demonstrate this point, Lee's foot came very close to Kakashi's legs, and Kakashi only managed to avoid falling over because the Sharingan showed him where to dodge.

Both men flipped backwards and landed about ten feet apart. Sakura and Anko watched to see what they would do next.

Kakashi put his hands together and quickly formed seals for a move that Sakura recognized from their training. "A katon jutsu?" she asked.

Kakashi answered with a cry of "Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" and a huge fireball hurled out of his mouth towards Lee.

Lee quickly jumped away, flipping upwards and spinning his body so that he would land behind Kakashi.

"You know," Anko said to Sakura conversationally, "I always wonder how he does that without burning his mask."

Sakura was about to face-palm again but Anko stopped her.

"Seriously, you'll concuss if you do that anymore."

Kakashi moved to dodge the kick that was sure to come as Lee landed, but stepped backwards, so Lee landed on top of him.

"Oof!" Kakashi said as they both hit the ground. Kakashi quickly rolled away so that they were again separate. "You're a little more difficult to fight than your sensei," he told Lee with a frown.

Lee beamed. "I am?" he said happily.

"Yeah, cause he's actually paying attention in this battle rather than just 'whatevering' it," Anko said.

"That doesn't make sense. Lee should be easier to fight, not harder, if Kakashi-sensei is paying attention," Sakura pointed out.

"Will you two shut up? We're trying to battle here," Kakashi said tersely.

"Sorry," they both huffed and crossed their arms.

"Thank you," Kakashi said.

Lee ran forward, pushing a little harder on the ground than normal so that he could get to the jounin faster.

Kakashi smirked. "My Sharingan can still see you," he pointed out.

Lee smiled back at him. "I know," he said as he jumped up into the air and tucked himself into a ball. Kakashi's eyes widened. He knew what would happen next but there wasn't time to dodge.

Lee was only a foot away now, and if they connected while Lee was in his tucked-up position, Kakashi would pound into the ground.

Kakashi dropped flat to the earth, and Lee went flying over the spot where he had just been.

_Phew!_ Kakashi thought, glad he had not been turned into a pancake by Gai's student mimicking one of the Akimichi clan's best techniques, though without the body expansion.

Lee rolled over a few times, before stopping and lightly crouching on his feet. He was reluctant to remove his weights, but he wasn't sure how he was going to defeat Kakashi otherwise. If the man would only let Lee hug him…

Lee's weights had grown increasingly heavier since the chuunin exams, and now, if he removed them and did not restrain his speed as he had done when he hugged Ino earlier…Well, he wasn't sure what would happen. He was only supposed to take the weights off to protect his special people, and even though Gai-sensei wanted him to hug everyone, he did not think his teacher would approve if he took them off now.

After all, this is Gai-sensei's Eternal Rival. If Lee beat him, what would that say of Gai-sensei? _That he is an excellent teacher, of course!_ Lee thought with a smile. Positive now that his teacher would approve of this course of action, Lee took his weights off.

Kakashi grimaced. _I am so screwed_, he thought as the weights set lightly on the ground made huge craters in the earth. _Damn! Those are definitely bigger holes than he made in the chuunin exam, and he didn't even drop these weights from a height!_

Kakashi looked back up at the boy he was fighting, slightly surprised to see that Lee was still smiling that huge smile of his.

"The battle will become serious now," Lee told him.

Kakashi tried desperately to think of a jutsu that would end this quickly without killing the boy, but all his moves were extremely powerful. That is to be expected, however, considering Kakashi only uses his Sharingan, a tool for copying the techniques of the enemies, when he is fighting someone deadly.

Seriously, what kind of ninja would _want_ to copy the wimpy techniques?

The jounin was so focused on his thoughts and lack of suitable techniques, he almost missed the shadow hanging over him, growing bigger by the second.

"Shimatta!" he declared, jumping to the side to avoid another onslaught of kicks from the Green Beast.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Lee shouted, as he flipped over and landed on the ground, then charged at the Sharingan user faster than the man could see.

_Yep, I was right. I'm screwed._

Lee had reached him by now, and Kakashi was forced to do the best he could to defend himself with the very limited view his Sharingan allowed him of Lee's moves.

"Aargh!" Lee cried, as he crouched quickly down, spinning himself around and sweeping Kakashi's leg out from under him. "All right!" he yelled. "Konoha Senpuu success!"

Kakashi rolled himself over again, stopping in a crouch and debating his options. He could use another katon jutsu, but Sakura had seemed displeased the last time and an angry student was not something the jounin really wanted to deal with right now. Or he could try a water or earth move…lightning was definitely out of the question. Kakashi had trained with lightning since he was very young, and all his lightning techniques were instant knock-out.

Which left him with only one option.

Genjutsu.

Kakashi began forming the seals to one of his weaker illusions as Lee rushed towards him once again.

_

* * *

__With Anko and Sakura, who are still sitting on the ground, watching the battle_

"Huh," Anko stated.

"What?" Sakura questioned.

"Looks like Kakashi has got an idea." Anko regarded the man for a moment, then shrugged. "Wanna play rock-paper-scissors?"

_

* * *

__With Team Eight and Ino_

"I think we should go rescue Sakura," Ino stated as her friend once again slumped forward, unconscious.

Hinata nodded. "If she keeps that up, Sakura-san will give herself brain damage."

"That's assuming she doesn't already have any issues in that big noggin of hers," Ino pointed out.

Kiba snickered.

"Why are you laughing, Baise?" Ino said. "You're in love with Lee."

Kiba groaned. "You aren't going to let that go, are you?" he asked.

The other three shook their heads.

_

* * *

__With someone else, on the rooftop of a building nearby._

The pale boy watched the interactions in the street below with interest, copying as much as he could of it down in his notebook to review and research later.

He wasn't sure why, exactly, the silver-haired man had decided to fight the odd green-spandex suited kid, nor was he sure why the pink-haired girl kept knocking herself out, or why there were four people hiding themselves in an alley and filming all this with a video camera, but he was positive learning the answers to these puzzles would aid him immensely in his next mission.

A trip to the library would definitely be necessary...

* * *

Yay! The Epic Battle Begins!

I am over my cold (I think) which means I will hopefully be able to update a little faster, although I must admit this first part was hard to write. I have never written a battle scene before, and combining a serious fight with my usual writing style was not easy. I had to split it up because this chapter was originally really long, then I redrafted it and found a better place to break.

I would **really really **appreciate feedback! =)


	10. Fighting Gai's Eternal Rival: Part II

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though Masashi Kishimoto owns the characters.

Okay, so that wasn't a little faster…in fact, I think it took _longer_ to update this time around, but whatever.

NOTE: If you read Chapter 4, and noticed it was the same as Chapter 3, it has been changed now. Luckily, the story still makes quite a bit of sense without that chapter (or is that unlucky?), so hopefully no one was confused. Anyway, I've changed it now and you might want to go back to read it to make sure you get the full experience of this Youthful story.

**Fighting Gai's Eternal Rival: Part II**

As Kakashi formed the seals and molded the chakra to place an illusion on Lee, Gai's student charged forward, planning to perform one more of his special "Konoha Whirlwind" techniques on the jounin before hugging him.

After that, Lee was sure Anko wouldn't bother fighting him, but he was prepared to battle her as well if she insisted. Sakura-san would surely just allow Lee to hug her, and maybe while he was at it, he would see if she would finally agree to become his girlfriend. He was being so cool and youthful today that she could hardly turn him down!

Kakashi's hands finished the seals and Lee immediately noticed, even in his advanced speed where the scenery was already blurred, that the surrounding area had altered.

Lee kept running anyway. "Not good enough, Kakashi-sensei!" he proclaimed. "Gai-sensei has trained me in the art of knowing when I am in an illusion and I am not foolish enough to ignore the fact that the scenery has just changed." He kept running towards the area he had last seen the jounin in, hoping the man would still be there. If he could surprise the silver-haired man by moving despite the genjutsu, Lee would be able to hug him that much sooner.

"Hmph!" Kakashi snorted from somewhere to the left. "I wouldn't expect you to stop moving in this. Even Naruto can tell that this one is a genjutsu."

Lee wasn't sure what to make of that, but he turned in the direciont he heard Kakashi's voice come from, hoping it wasn't being altered or deflected by the illusion.

In some illusions, the victim can see the caster. In others, the victim can hear the caster. In most of the Sharingan-made illusions, the victim can see and hear the caster. In this one, Lee could hear the caster but he got the direction wrong.

"Oof!" Lee exclaimed as he ran straight into a building that he couldn't see.

"Ouch!" Anko said, wincing in sympathy. "That's almost as bad as face-palming yourself into oblivion."

Sakura was luckily still unconscious on the floor. Anko sighed slightly.

Kakashi watched as Lee blindly ran around, crashing into buildings. He knew he should remain quiet so the boy would stop hurting himself when he thought he heard Kakashi, but it was just too funny. He snorted with laughter again, and Lee's ears twitched slightly, as he turned his head towards the sound.

"Aha Kakashi-sensei! I have found you this time!" Lee declared.

"No, you haven't," Kakashi replied simply as Lee charged into another building. If Lee was the type to swear, Kakashi was sure they would be long past the simple words like "kosu" or "shimatta," and long into the more colorful words provided by the English language.

However, Lee wasn't one to curse, and instead just stood up every time, shook his head to clear it, and continued to run around with a genjutsu placed on him.

It was very amusing to Kakashi.

"Kakashi!" Anko called, interrupting his musings.

He turned to her, an irritated look on his face. Well, in his eyes, anyway.

"What are you doing to him?"

He eye-smiled at her. "He's in a simple genjutsu. At the rate things are going, I should be able to wear him out until he collapses, then no one else will be hugged."

Anko nodded, thinking. "It's kind of slow, though," she said.

Kakashi frowned, trying to think of a new plan.

* * *

_With the pale boy_

The boy wondered what was going on down there. His notes were rather random, and he wasn't so sure anymore that the library would be of any assistance to him in deciphering these "interactions" he was watching.

He may have to get himself more involved in the circumstances if he ever wished to understand.

* * *

_With Team Eight and Ino_

"This video is going to be random as hell," Kiba stated.

The other three nodded.

"Poor Lee-san! I hope Sakura is able to help him when she recovers," Hinata said.

"We are going to have so many hits on YouTube!" Ino said gleefully.

Shino nodded, zooming in on the camera to capture Lee's expression close-up. He panned out over the area, and paused the camera on Kakashi-sensei at what appeared to be just the right moment. There was a slightly evil, slightly mischevious glint in Kakashi's eyes.

Shino had seen that expression on Kiba many times before. "Uh-oh…" he said.

The others looked at him confusedly for a moment, before turning back to regard Lee. They could all tell, even from this distance and with his mask in the way, that Kakashi was smiling in smug satisfaction as Lee stopped moving, only a foot from another building.

Kakashi had just upgraded the genjutsu.

* * *

_With Lee, a foot from the building_

Lee knew it would be unwise to move. He was confident he was still in a genjutsu but his sense of his surroundings was nonexistent.

Whereas before, he had a vague idea of where he was and could change direction based on the sounds he heard, he now had absolutely no clue where to go and was only confident that he was still in Konoha because he remembered what had occurred before he looked into Kakashi's bright Sharingan eye.

_Flashback_

_Kakashi watched Lee running into buildings, realizing Anko was right. This was going to take forever. Sighing, he paused to think of a new plan._

_He couldn't think of another genjutsu to use, and he really wanted to just end this quickly, before Lee could use a powerful move on him. "I want to avoid a hug, but incapacitating you to do so seems a little extreme. But…" Kakashi dropped the genjutsu for less than a second, and his Sharingan eye seemed to glow even more than usual. Lee couldn't help but look at it._

_Suddenly, the surrounding street and the dango shop disappeared. Lee found himself in the middle of a battle field, dead bodies all around. There was no noise, but the atmosphere was heavy and the suffocating despair of death hung over everything. Lee felt very depressed._

_End flashback._

Lee reached for a kunai in his weapons pouch and decided to end his life there, just to end the awful sight, and terrible, depressing feelings. It was so unyouthful…

"You can't use Mangekyou on him!" Lee heard a voice say from very far away. He couldn't see the person who the voice belonged to, but it sounded familiar. It echoed in Lee's ears and a part of Lee knew that was because of the sight before him.

"But—but," another voice whined. Was that Kakashi-sensei? "But he'll hug us if I don't! Besides, he's only in a basic genjutsu right now," that second voice continued.

"Then why don't you block your eye?" the first voice demanded.

"Because I was sort of planning on upgrading the illusion…" the man's voice said sheepishly. A loud thump could be heard, followed by the rather disturbing laughter of what Lee assumed was the first voice.

Lee stood carefully still, wondering if this was another genjutsu. If so it was stronger than the last one, and much more powerful.

_Oh!_ Lee thought. _He put me in an illusion using his Sharingan._ Lee couldn't help but be impressed at Naruto and Sakura-san's teacher's quick thinking, though Gai-sensei was clearly more youthful.

Of course, this news wasn't very helpful to him because he still couldn't get rid of the genjutsu, but at least he knew now that he could still run around. Although…his chance of running into a building was even greater than before, and he had already crashed into five buildings while under the last illusion…

He would have to focus on his other senses.

Closing his eyes to listen hard, Lee turned slightly at a subtle shift he felt in the air. _Hmm…Kakashi-sensei is moving around. Is he walking closer to me? I can't hear or see a thing like this!_ Lee allowed himself a small second of panic before he went back to Youthful mode. _I'm going to have to think of something to do…_

Lee suddenly remembered something Gai-sensei had once told him. _"If you lose all your other senses, you must fight on anyway. When it appears that there is nothing else you can do, you must rely on your Spirit Sensor."_

_Of course!!_ Lee thought excitedly. _My Spirit Sensor! I must activate my connection with Kakashi-sensei's heart and mind so that I can get around this genjutsu and tell where he is. Then I must hug him! __**Spirit Sensor**__...__**on!!**_

Lee saw in his mind Kakashi-sensei leaning down on his haunches, watching Lee carefully. "Don't worry, Anko, he'll be fine. I'll make sure it's nothing traumatizing," Kakashi said. His Sharingan eye changed slightly, and Lee sensed the alteration to his surroundings as his Spirit Sensor connection faded.

Lee opened his eyes to see Kakashi-sensei standing in front of him, smiling broadly beneath his mask.

The world was black and white, with a red background. It looked as though they were back in front of the dango shop, but they were the only two there, and that couldn't be right.

Kakashi cleared his throat and stopped smiling, attempting to be serious. "Lee, I am going to put you in an illusion. You will not be able to break free, and you will spend twenty-four hours in here, in my world, watching Naruto defeat enemies using only taijutsu. You will not be able to join him or offer him any advice. You can only watch."

Kakashi shimmered out of sight, and Lee stared in horror as his own Youthful Rival fought multiple opponents with terrible taijutsu. Lee desperately wanted to correct Naruto's stance, but he found that his voice wasn't working. Naruto launched himself into a Konoha Senpuu, and tried to lift his opponent into the air, but all he succeeded in doing was push the man back a few feet.

_No!_ Lee shouted in his head. _You have to spin faster than that! Focus on your feet, not their's! What are you __**doing**__?!_ he yelled at the Naruto in his mind, but the blonde couldn't hear him.

It was terrible. Lee had to watch his rival destroy the beauty of taijutsu and there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

Lee blacked out before even viewing an hour's worth of the illusion.

* * *

"Wow," Anko said, shocked.

"Hm," Kakashi said, equally shocked, but trying to act cool for the sake of his reputation. _That wasn't even a second in the real world…what did he see that would make him black out that quickly? _Kakasi wondered. "Still," he said aloud, "at least he won't be able to hug anyone anymore."

Anko nodded, then grabbed Kakashi by his collar, dragging him back into the dango shop. They left Sakura and Lee in the road, and ordered some food.

* * *

"Well, that was…interesting," Ino said.

"Yeah…" Kiba said. "_What_ happened?" he asked.

"I have no idea," Shino said.

Hinata just stared.

* * *

"I absolutely must visit the library," someone said.

* * *

Please review!


	11. Those are called hugs

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, but the characters are property of Masashi Kishimoto.

**Those are called hugs**

Kakashi and Anko sat at the counter of the dango shop, eating dango. Anko was congratulating Kakashi on his achievement for the town, and Kakashi was feeling pretty pleased with himself. It wasn't every day you got to trick someone into thinking you had the Tsukoyumi Sharingan just to stop them from hugging you. Kakashi felt he had done a noble deed for Konoha by knocking Lee out, and preventing him from hugging anyone else.

As they were high-fiving each other and slapping one another's backs roughly, both failed to notice the person creeping up behind them, getting closer, closer, closer with each step.

Then, a pair of arms wrapped around the two, pulling them tightly together, as they sat, stunned and frozen in shock. They gaped at each other in horror, thinking this was surely the end.

The arms moved quickly down and something was placed on Anko's jacket and Kakashi's vest, and then the arms were gone altogether, and Lee was standing behind them, smiling widely.

"See? I told you I would hug you, Kakashi-sensei!" he said.

Kakashi couldn't speak. His mouth wasn't functioning properly and he was pretty sure he was beginning to leak saliva, but a glance in Anko's direction assured him similar things were occurring to her, so he didn't worry about it too much.

Instead, he stared at his bright, yellow pin with the words "I've been YOUTHED!" inscribed on its surface in horror.

Lee smiled at the pair and made a quick decision. Because Kakashi-sensei had been so thoroughly against the idea of being hugged initially, Lee knew he was lacking in Youthfulness and obviously needed some love.

So Lee hugged them again.

Anko's dango finally fell from her mouth and the stick she normally would have flicked away into a leaf pattern fell pathetically to the ground.

"Well, I would love to stay and talk to you, but I must be going now! I have a whole other city to hug still!" Lee said.

Kakashi unconsciously reached out and gripped the boy's arm. He wanted answers. "How?" he demanded. "How did you get out of my illusion? I was sure I knocked you out!"

Lee smiled at him. "Sakura-san saved me! She recovered from her self-inflicted injuries, and dispelled the illusion, healed all my tiredness, and told me to go hug you." Lee waved behind him towards Sakura, and Kakashi glared at her.

She smirked at him.

Then Kakashi noticed something about her appearance. "Hey, why hasn't she got a pin?" he demanded.

"Ah," Lee said, looking sad. "In exchange for her telling me where you and Anko-sensei were, and not placing another genjutsu on me, I had to promise not to hug her." Lee frowned, then his expression brightened. "But don't worry, I'll get her later!" he promised.

Kakashi was both impressed with his student's plan and angry he hadn't thought of it himself. _If only I could have controlled that illusion, I could have bargained with Lee,_ he thought, wishing he had the Tsukiyomi, rather than just the ability to copy it.

Sakura sat herself down on a stool, and picked up one of Anko's dango. Biting into it delicately, she smiled at her teacher. "What was it you were always telling us when we were genin, Kakashi-sensei?" She paused to look mock-thoughtful for a second. "Oh yes, look underneath the underneath." She took another bite of dango.

Anko was still out of it.

**

* * *

**_With Ino, Kiba, Hinata, and Shino_

Ino stared. _Dammit, that was actually a good idea! Stupid Sakura!_ she thought, glaring at her friend and rival who had somehow managed to avoid being hugged, with whatever idea she had come up with thanks to that big head of hers.

"Well, it's not like Sakura actually needed a hug," Kiba pointed out once he had determined the cause of Ino's frustrated growls. "I mean, what's the worst thing that's ever happened to her, she's got a large forehead?" he asked rhetorically.

Ino beamed at him. "You are exactly right, Baise," she said, putting neither an inflection or suffix on the word to make it sound as though she was making fun of him.

Kiba grew hopeful. Perhaps she would finally let his careless comment go?

"Sakura has a _huge_ forehead! If Lee really is hugging people for their tragedies, as you guys said he is, then Sakura doesn't have much to worry about. I mean, her forehead is big enough to start a new shinobi village on, but that's not tragic. Shino, what did you capture of her plan?" she asked the bug-nin.

"I got her waking Lee up, and then Lee sneaking up on Anko and Kakashi," he replied. "Do you want me to get something else?"

Ino smiled viciously. "Yeah, zoom in on Forehead Girl's forehead."

"That's too mean," Hinata said, though a small smile made its way to her face.

**

* * *

**_With Lee_

Lee turned away from the dango shop, and walked out into the street, heading in the direction of the village's gates.

A pale man appeared before him.

Lee stopped walking.

The man stared.

Lee smiled.

The man stared.

Lee frowned.

The man stared.

Lee struck the nice-guy pose.

The man blinked.

"Aha! I _knew_ I would get a reaction at some point!" Lee shouted happily.

"Why are you doing that?" the man asked curiously.

"Doing what?" Lee said with a frown.

"That…thing. Where you run up to people and wrap your arms around them. Then you always smiled and attach something to their clothing. Why? Is this an important interaction?" the man asked.

"Oh," Lee said with understanding. "Those are called hugs. I am hugging people."

"Why?" the man questioned a third time.

"Because they are so sad!" Lee said. "I am spreading the Youth around and making people happy! I am doing this for Gai-sensei, my teacher, who suffered a nasty accident and is near death. I decided to do this for him, as one final act of Youthfulness, because I want to make him happy before he dies!" Lee proclaimed, wiping a tear away.

The boy blinked. "Oh. You are hugging people for Youth?" he asked, looking for confirmation.

"For the Springtime of Youth," Lee corrected.

"I see," said the boy, though he didn't really.

"Excellent!" Lee beamed. "Now, I will hug you and be on my way."

The boy stood still as Lee hugged him, paying attention to what exactly Lee did when hugging people. He noted that you have to lean in for a few seconds, squeeze lightly with your arms around the person, then pull back. He wondered if the pin was a requirement or not.

"Well, I must be off!" Lee said. "See you later! I hope you enjoyed your hug!" he called back.

The pale man nodded, and turned to go visit the library. Perhaps if he could learn more about this thing called hugging, he would be able to use it on his next mission.

**

* * *

**_With Lee, but by the Village Gates. The pale guy has gone to the library, and sadly will not be heard from again. Well, not in this story._

Lee walked through the gates, ready to go on the second part of his mission. He stood before Konoha's main entrance, and stretched his muscles. He was about to complete his warm-up when something caught his eye.

A long blue something had just disappeared into the forest clearing.

_Who could that be?_ Lee thought, furrowing his brow in thought. He decided it would not waste too much time if he were to run over and check it out; after all, if it was someone he had not hugged yet, he wanted to make sure Konoha was completed before he moved on to Suna.

Rushing into the trees, Lee spotted Konohamaru leaping from a tree. Lee ran towards him.

"Ah!" Konohamaru shouted, surprised. He dropped the odd object he was holding in his arms, and it ran quickly away, back into the shrubbery surrounding them.

"No!" a voice shouted down the wireless transmitter Konohamaru was wearing. "He got away AGAIN!"

Three figures burst into the clearing. "Konohamaru, you idiot!" a girl with odd piggy-tails shouted. She proceeded to punch him hard on the head, in a manner Lee had seen Sakura do to Naruto many times before.

"Now, now, Moegi," their sensei said, "we'll just have to try again. Be patient."

The last boy just stood there, snot dripping down his nose.

Konohamaru turned towards Lee. "Your fault!" he shouted. "You scared me and I dropped Tora! We were almost done with this stupid mission, too!" he complained.

"My apologies!" Lee said sincerely. "Allow me to make it up to you."

"Are you going to catch him for us?" Konohamaru asked hopefully. Moegi's eyes brightened.

"No…" Lee said.

"Then what are you—gack!" Konohamaru yelled. It echoed through all the wireless transmitters, and the team was immobilized. Lee finished hugging them and said, "See? Youth makes everything better!"

He gave them a cheery wave, and took off into the forest, not hearing the shouts that came a few minutes later.

"I'M GOOOONNA KILLL YOUU!!" Konohamaru bellowed. His teammates jerked the transmitters from their ears, no longer able to hear a thing.

"Young Master," Ebisu said hopelessly. "Perhaps you could refrain from shou—"

"Aargh!" Konohamaru yelled again.


	12. Izumo and Kotetsu Helped Me

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

I have no idea how long it would actually take to run to Suna (I have read three days in a lot of stories, but couldn't find a note or reference on Narutopedia or in the anime), so I am making up the time.

Oh, and in response to couple of reviewers, I feel compelled to tell you that this story will probably be about twenty chapters or so, and Sasuke's hug will not be until near the end. Sorry, but it works out best that way…

**Izumo and Kotetsu Helped Me!**

Lee ran through the trees, heading to his next Hug Spot (as he had dubbed them). It was a nice day for running, and, even with his weights back in place, he was able to make good time.

The journey to Suna would normally take around a day for a civilian, a day and a half for a large caravan, twelve hours for a normal shinobi, and only two and a half hours for a ninja like Lee.

He would definitely be able to make his deadline. Gai-sensei would be so proud. Lee's expression turned solemn at the thought of his teacher. Lee was now really unsure if Gai-sensei would make it out of his situation alive. Stubbing his toe had done a lot of damage to Gai's body, and, Lee realized, his mental health.

Playing DDR to _Hot n' Cold _is just not normal…

Lee shook his head to clear his thoughts as he heard a sound from up ahead. He slowed his power steps and strained his ears, listening to see if he heard the noise again.

A slight crackle of a tree branch and the shifting of leaves came from fifty yards ahead. No squirrel or bird could make a tree move in that manner, which meant only one thing.

Lee had forgotten to hug Neji and Tenten while in Konoha.

Well, that wasn't necessarily a truth he could deduce from the fact that the tree branch moved as if there were ninja standing on it, but as soon as Lee heard the noise, he realized that he had actually not seen his two teammates in the village, and had thus not hugged them. Thinking about it, Lee wasn't sure _where_ his teammates were. He had gone around all of Konoha this morning, yet he had not run into them. He had run into lots of buildings, but that wasn't quite the same thing.

Perhaps they were the people on the branch ahead of him?

Lee cautiously leapt to the next tree branch, hoping to get a view of the two people before they saw him. He wanted to make sure they were really Neji and Tenten before he made his presence known.

He landed lightly on the next branch, and waited to see what the people would do.

"Lee?" a voice asked, sounding very surprised.

"Neji!" Lee replied youthfully.

"Lee!" Tenten exclaimed, coming into view as she landed on the next tree branch over, with Neji stopping next to her. "Lee, what are you doing here?" Tenten asked, shocked by his appearance.

He smiled at her. "I am heading to the Akatsuki headquarters."

Neji and Tenten stared at him. "It is Lee," Neji confirmed, deactivating his Byakugan.

Tenten looked at him. "You couldn't tell by that last statement?" she asked dryly.

Neji tilted his head.

"Anyway," Tenten said, "what are you really doing here, Lee? How did you get out of the village?"

"What do you mean? I am going to the Akatsuki headquarters, as I told you. And Izumo and Kotetsu were most helpful in dealing with the necessary requirements to get me out of Konoha. They assured me the Hokage would not mind, and practically pushed me out of the village," Lee said.

Neji and Tenten glanced at each other, wondering if Lee had anything to do with the dazed looks on the two guards' faces when they left for their mission this morning.

"You can't be serious," Neji stated.

Lee nodded. "Yes, of course I am. Why wouldn't I be? They seemed very pleased to see me go."

"Not that," Neji said, waving his hand to indicate he meant the other statement. "You can't be serious about going to the Akatsuki headquarters."

"I see," Lee said. "Why would I not be serious about that?" he asked.

"…Because it's the _Akatsuki_," Tenten supplied.

"And you cannot just walk in and do… what are you planning on doing?" Neji asked.

"I am going to hug everyone by sundown tonight!" Lee shouted. "And that includes the Akatsuki! They are people just like you and I, exiled from their villages for crimes they undoubtedly commit by accident. No one would purposely destroy a village or kill their entire family," Lee said. "They obviously just need a little Youthful Love and they will reform themselves!" Lee declared.

"…" Tenten said.

"…" Neji repeated.

"…." Tenten replied.

"…" Neji confirmed.

"Will you please kindly stop having dot-conversations?" Lee asked the two impatiently.

"Sorry," Tenten said to him.

"Yes, sorry, but you don't seriously mean that, do you?" Neji asked.

"Of course I do! The Akatsuki are a sad group of people in need of Youthanization! And I will be the one to supply it to them!"

Tenten sweatdropped.

"Lee, you cannot seriously think you are going to be able to just walk into the Akatsuki hideout, hug all the Akatsuki and leave in one piece!" Neji said, his calm exterior gone.

Lee stared at him. "Why ever not, youthful companion?"

"Because it's the Akatsuki!"

Lee stared at him. "Yes, I know."

Tenten's sweatdrop grew. "Lee…" she began, a sense of déjà vu settling in on her. "The Akatsuki are dangerous criminals. They're S-class missing nin. I don't think they would appreciate it if you walked into their base and began hugging them."

Lee looked sad. "Yes, it is terribly upsetting just how unyouthful their lives have been. Which is why I must go hug them, to ensure their lives turn around and they become happy and youthful once more! I may be in danger, but sometimes, it is necessary to risk one's life for the Springtime of Youth!" He pumped his fist.

Neji and Tenten again stared at their teammate in disbelief. "Lee," Tenten tried again, "I really don't think you should go hug the Akatsuki."

"Tenten, I must not disappoint Gai-sensei. You saw what happened with the tree. If he dies, I will never be able to forgive myself for failing this mission!" Lee exclaimed.

Tenten glanced at Neji. _All Gai-sensei did was stub his toe_, she thought.

"Of course, I did catch him playing DDR, so I cannot be too sure how his injuries will end. He may make a surprise recovery, or it could be a trick and he suddenly relapses later. Either way, I must hug everyone!" Lee frowned, another thought occurring to him. "Why are you two out of the village?" Lee asked them.

"We are on a mission," Neji stated.

"The Hokage received information that a couple members of the Akatsuki may have been staying in a village near the Hidden Mist. We're heading there to see if it is true," Tenten informed him, watching him suspiciously with one eye.

"Oh!" Lee sounded excited. "Do you mind if I accompany you? I am not sure where the Akatsuki hideout is and I could use any information available."

"… OK," Tenten sighed. "You can accompany us on this mission."

Neji looked at her, but did not protest even though he was the jounin leader of the mission.

"Great!" Lee beamed. "But perhaps we should begin moving, and pick up the pace a little because my deadline is sundown this evening, and I have many more people to hug!"

Tenten groaned. She should have known better.

Neji smirked.

"Oh, hang on!" Lee shouted, just as the three were about to begin running again.

Tenten and Neji turned to Lee curiously. He was holding two… something's in his hand, and Tenten was about to ask what they were when he suddenly hugged Neji. Lee put one of the something's on Neji's Hyuuga robes, and Tenten saw it was a pin just before Lee came over and gave her a hug.

Though it was something Tenten had thought about and imagined quite often (though she would never admit it, not even under pain of death), the hug was nothing like what she thought it would be. Perhaps it was the fact that it was so short, and Lee was only hugging her for a mission, but Tenten was a little disappointed. She didn't even have time to hug Lee back; instead, she stood where she was, looking and feeling kind of stupid.

Lee pinned her as well, and Tenten saw Neji staring at the "I've been YOUTHED pin!" attached to his robes with distaste. Tenten could see why. His pin was bright green, and it clashed terribly with his clothing.

"Well, let's get going!" Lee shouted with a big smile.

He took off running, and soon Tenten could barely see him. As she and Neji increased their own running speeds, Tenten again asked herself why she liked Lee so much.

Though that didn't change the fact that she would keep this pin forever.


	13. Explaining Lee to Strangers

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

I made up a village for this chapter. I mean besides the one near the Hidden Mist. I have no idea what the map of the shinobi world really looks like, but just pretend it's close enough to run to, okay? Thanks.

The last two chapters have felt kind of slow to me (this one and Chapter 12), but I promise the pace will pick up in the next one…

**Explaining Lee to Strangers**

Lee, Tenten, and Neji arrived in the town the Akatsuki had supposedly visited. Tenten and Neji were completely out of breath, and Lee, while slightly winded, still managed to bounce towards the hotel the criminals were rumored to have spent time in.

Tenten and Neji staggered after him.

"Come on, you two! Where is your youth?" Lee called.

Neji glared at him, but Tenten straightened up and walked past him, up to the front desk. She rang the bell, glaring slightly at Neji and Lee, as if warning them that she would do the talking, thank you very much. Neji just shrugged, but Lee decided to assure Tenten that he respected their positions by giving her the nice-guy pose.

Tenten blinked.

"Good afternoon, how may I help you?" the hotel receptionist greeted them in a chirpy voice.

Tenten smiled politely. "Hello. We are shinobi from the Hidden Leaf Village in Fire Country. We would like to ask you about any recent guests you may have had."

The receptionist's eyes widened.

Lee tried his best not to tap his foot impatiently, but really, time was ticking on and he had _so_ many more people to hug!

"You are from Konoha?"

Tenten nodded. "Yes. And we want to know if you have seen anybody here with black and red cloud patterned cloaks?"

The receptionist's eyes widened further. "Black and red? Yes! Yes, I have!"

Tenten waited for her to continue, but the woman apparently thought that was all they wanted to know. "Can you tell us any more about them?"

"Um…"

"Youthful Lady," Lee said, trying to sound polite and youthful, rather than impatient and unyouthful, "we need this information because it is about a group of men who need hugs and youthanization! So please, hurry and tell us anything you can about the Akatsuki who stayed here!" He bowed to her.

The receptionist blinked, finally allowing her muscles to relax around her eyes. "Why would you hug members of the Akatsuki?" she asked.

"We had this very same conversation earlier," Tenten told her.

Lee sighed. "It is because the Akatsuki are so sad and helpless! Hugs are clearly their only chance at redemption!"

"Lee," Neji said. "May I remind you once more that the Akatsuki are a bunch of criminals? In a criminal organization."

"That means nothing!" Lee shouted. "Youth will prevail!"

The receptionist looked back at Tenten. "Anyway, a tall blue guy who looks remarkably like a fish and some shorter guy who only said 'hn' to everything were here yesterday. They paid for everything, didn't cause any trouble, then left early this morning."

Tenten nodded. "You didn't happen to catch where they were going, did you?"

"Well, as it happens, I did hear something. They said they were going back to the hideout because they have to go to a really important meeting. The fish-man asked if they could just hologram or something, and the grunting one actually spoke—that's why I remember it—and said, 'No. We have to be present to judge the candidates.' I'm not sure what that means, but they then left and headed in the direction of Aikigakure."

"Thank you," Tenten said, bowing to the lady.

"You are very welcome," the woman replied, blushing slightly when Neji and Lee also bowed their thanks. Then Lee rushed forward and hugged her and she blushed even more.

The three turned to leave, but the woman grabbed Tenten's arm. "Your friend isn't _really_ going to try to hug a group of missing-nin, is he? I'm only a civilian, but I know it's bad…"

Tenten smiled reassuringly. "Of course he's not," she lied. "Lee is a little strange, but he is not stupid." She smiled some more as Lee shouted in the background: "All right! Let us get moving with the Power of the Springtime of Youth! Youthful Akatsuki, here I come!"

Tenten hurriedly left the building.

* * *

"So, we have confirmed the Akatsuki's presence near the Hidden Mist, and we know they are all gathered currently in Aikigakure at one of their hideouts," Neji said, summarizing the mission for Lee and Tenten.

"Yes, but what are they doing in Aikigakure?" Tenten asked reasonably.

"I'll find out for you while I am there to hug them," Lee shouted back as he ran towards the village. His figure was already a distant green blur by the time Neji and Tenten looked around and noted that he had, indeed, run off to go hug the Akatsuki.

"Dear Kami," Tenten said, sitting down on the ground and putting her face in her hands.

"Since our mission is over, we should return to Konoha," Neji stated.

Tenten looked up at him. "Shouldn't we, you know, _go help Lee_?"

Neji stared back at her. "We have already tried to warn him. If he will not listen, there is not much we can do. Our best bet is to go back and advise Tsunade-sama of the situation. The decision will be hers as to what we do next. She may or may not decide to send reinforcements for our wayward teammate."

Tenten considered this, then nodded. "I suppose you're right. I just hope he's safe…"

"Don't worry," Neji told her. "Ino, Kiba, Shino, and Hinata are following him."

"Huh?" Tenten asked, startled. "How do you know?"

"I recognized their chakra signatures with my Byakugan. They are wearing henge's for some reason, and Shino appears to be carrying a video camera with him. I have no idea what that is about, but I think it would be best not to ask."

Tenten nodded slowly.

* * *

"Oh no!" Hinata/Hasal exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" Ino/Machi asked, quickly charging her hands with medical chakra, just in case.

Hinata waved her away. "My cousin Neji—he saw us with his Byakugan!"

"What's he even doing here?" Kiba/Baise asked.

Hinata frowned. "I don't know… Nii-san wouldn't leave the village unless it was for a mission, so I assume that is why he is here. Tenten-san is also there. She appears to be…" Hinata focused her Pearly Eyes on the girl. "Crying?" she said.

"Why is she crying?" Ino asked, frowning.

"What has your jerk of a cousin done _now_?" Kiba demanded, charging forward to pummel Neji into the dirt.

"Wait, Baise! I don't think he's done anything! I think she might be just rubbing her face!" Hinata called after him.

Shino sighed. "What did I get myself into this morning?" he asked rhetorically.

Ino smiled at him. "Sasho-kun, you know you would have hated to miss out on this! Yeah, we had to run at a ridiculously high speed just to keep up with Team Crazy—I mean Team Gai. No, wait, I was right the first time. But now we are getting quality video stuff! I mean, Lee is going to hug the Akatsuki! And _we __**will**__ get that on film_," she declared in a dangerous tone.

Shino shivered slightly, but it was luckily hidden by his enormous coat.

"So come on, let's get moving! I don't want to miss the action."

* * *

Lee stood before a great waterfall. Droplets of H2O hung in the air, glistening in the sun, before falling on his face. He wept at the beauty of it all.

Then he turned around and waved at the four civilians from his home village who had, for some reason, followed him here.

Perhaps they mistook him for a tour guide.

He really didn't have the time to find out.

He had to go in and hug the Akatsuki! Hopefully, the civilians would remain safe.

With that sorted, Lee walked forward and knocked on the door to the Akatsuki hideout.

The door opened, and a cloaked arm reached out and yanked Lee inside.

The door slammed shut and the 'civilians' didn't catch a thing of it.

* * *

"Damn!" Ino shouted. "Now our video will suck!"

Kiba, Hinata, and Shino stared at her.

"What?" Ino demanded.

"You do realize Lee was just yanked into the Akatsuki hideout where _anything_ could happen to him, and the only concern you're showing is how good our video will be?" Kiba said.

"Well, do you want our video to be really bad? I think not. Let's find another way in!" Ino charged towards the back of the hideout, looking for a second, less noticeable entrance.

Team Eight sighed deeply, but followed her anyway.

**

* * *

**

Author's Note:

I didn't really like this chapter. It lacked action, for one, and I really really want to write Lee hugging the Akatsuki already. However, it was necessary. I couldn't think of any other way to accomplish this part, and still have the HugFest begin. Chapter Fourteen will be easier to write, so it will hopefully be uploaded sooner as well. Get ready for extreme hugginess! (Had to write it, sorry!) 


	14. Schizophrenic Vegetables

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

Hey, look at that! A relatively short update time! I rock!

**Schizophrenic Vegetables**

Lee stared at the very strange looking… person? before him. The (man) was not very tall, but his appearance was certainly distinguished from most other people Lee had ever met.

He was half black and half white on his upper body, though his feet, and presumably legs, were both white. He also had a large Venus flytrap open around his head.

_I think I would rather see Gai-sensei's long-john's again_, Lee thought.

"Welcome, welcome!" the man said in a cheery voice. "**You are late**," he also said in a much darker tone.

Lee started. "Late? Oh, how unyouthful!" he cried, feeling extremely guilty for making the Akatsuki wait on him. It didn't occur to our beloved spandex-clad hero to be worried over the two voices that came from the single man. "But, you are surprisingly more youthful than I realized!" he said. "I had no idea you were waiting for me!"

"Of course we were!" the light voice sing-songed.

"**You and many other candidates**," the other voice informed him.

Lee frowned. _Candidates? Is there some kind of Hug-Fest going on that I was uninformed of?_ "I am so terribly sorry." He bowed formally. "Why do you have two voices?" he asked.

"I don't."

"**Neither do I**."

Lee really didn't know what to say to that. He realized the man obviously had a severe case of schizophrenia. Pointing it out was a bad idea. So he did the obvious thing. He hugged and pinned the man with two of the bright neon colored "I've been YOUTHED!" pins that have been making their presence very well-known all day.

The man frowned. "**What is **_**this?**_" the darker side asked.

The lighter side giggled. "I like mine," he said.

"It is an 'I've been YOUTHED!' pin," Lee told them, much as he had informed Team Kurenai earlier.

"We can see that," the lighter side said. "But what does it mean?" He poked his pin.

Lee smiled. This was his favorite part. Hugging was fun, but explaining _why_ and then seeing the youth glow over his targets was much better. "It means you have seen the Springtime of Youth and you realize it is the only way to live your life—by being youthful!"

The two halves of the man's body seemed to exchange a glance, which must have been quite difficult considering they were connected.

"Anyway," the light voice said, once the two halves made their decision regarding Lee. "We should take you to the waiting room. I would hate to keep Sasori-san waiting," he giggled slightly as if he had made a joke.

"**Hmm, me too. That man gets too miserable**."

"Not man; puppet," the light side corrected.

Lee had no clue what they were discussing.

"If you could give us your name…" the white side said, leading Lee down a hallway.

"Rock Lee, Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast!" he told him, beaming broadly.

"I am Zetsu," the plant man said, looking back at Lee briefly. "And this is Zetsu."

Lee blinked. _Does he realize he said the same name twice?_

"**Don't smile like that; it hurts my eye.**"

"Sorry!" Lee quickly bowed his apologies, and decided to ignore the fact that both parts of Zetsu's personality had the same name.

"Very polite," the light voice said. "Much better than our newest recruit…"

The darker side of the man snorted. "**Both Hidan and Deidara are beyond rude**."

The light side laughed again as if he was enjoying his own private joke, so Lee addressed the darker side. "What am I a candidate for?" he asked politely.

"You don't know?" Light Zetsu said, his tone gleeful. "He doesn't know!" he sang.

The body of the man turned, and Dark Zetsu appeared to be frowning. It was odd to Lee that this man could have one body with two facial expressions and voices. He vowed to practice it himself as soon as he got home. It was quite youthful.

"**You are here for the position in Akatsuki, correct**?"

Lee tried his best to keep his expression the same. This would work as good cover, which he figured he should use, as his teammates had been so worried. He decided to play along until he got the chance to hug the criminals—youthful men in bad situations! "Of course, I was just checking… to make sure this really was the Akatsuki!" he lied, feeling slightly guilty. Though the man was very odd looking, Zetsu was actually quite pleasant, and Lee, even though he knew ninjas must be good at infiltration, felt guilty lying to the vegetable man.

Zetsu seemed to accept the excuse Lee gave, however, as he nodded and continued down the hallway.

"How many other people have tried for the position?" Lee asked, wondering if he had enough pins to hug all the candidates, the whole Akatsuki, Suna, and Oto without having to go back to Konoha.

"Three."

"**They failed so far**."

"Ah, but Zetsu-san," the light side said, "there are still more! Don't forget that Tobi character! He will probably make it…"

Zetsu turned down a different hallway, then stopped outside a door. "This is the waiting room," Light Zetsu sang.

Lee nodded.

"**We will wait in here for your turn. Are you hungry at all**?" Dark Zetsu asked.

Lee's stomach growled conveniently.

"We have food!" Light Zetsu said, pulling Lee through the door.

Lee noted the table filled with food and drinks, but also spotted a few other people sitting in chairs. They all seemed disinterested—a few were even sleeping.

Lee wondered if this was a requirement for being a criminal.

"Here, here, Lee-san," Light Zetsu said, dragging Lee over to a table stacked with food and beverages. "You can eat whatever you like! But not the other candidates. Zetsu likes to do that."

A few of the interviewees in the room looked up, a little frightened at this last comment. Dark Zetsu merely grinned menacingly at them, while Light Zetsu continued to tell Lee about all the wonderful people who had been a snack for Dark Zetsu.

"Do you eat them as well?" Lee asked curiously.

Light Zetsu shook his (and Dark Zetsu's) head. "No, I prefer to eat vegetables. Meat is yucky."

Lee nodded. "I can understand what you mean. I love most foods, but curry is my favorite."

"Curry?" Zetsu repeated. "I don't think I've ever had that."

"**Curried bodies… yum**," Dark Zetsu licked his lips, while Light Zetsu looked on (again, how is that possible?), horrified.

"That is disgusting, you cannibal!" Light Zetsu shouted.

A few of the criminals in the room exchanged glances, wondering if they should attempt to sneak out.

Lee finished loading a plate with food, since he was rather hungry after running around all day, and noticed that three men were already at the door. He set his plate down and rushed over to them before anyone in the room had time to blink, yawn, or argue over whether or not eating people is a good thing.

"Wh—what are you doing?" one of the men asked fearfully.

Lee's eyes gleamed… with the Springtime of Youth. "It's hug time!" he explained, before proceeding to hug everyone in the room, including Zetsu again.

"Ack, help!"

"What's he doing? What's he doing!?"

"Save me!"

"Are you trying to choke me?! Remove your arms, I say, remove your arms!"

"Hmm, I like hugs," one voice in particular said dreamily.

"**Me, too**," another replied.

_

* * *

_

With a group of certain other people, all of whom are staring, incredulous, at the man on the center stage currently explaining his life goals.

"Do—do you hear shouts coming from the candidate room?" a blonde man whispered to the blue-haired woman sitting beside him.

She tilted her head, listening. From the other room, a faint cry of, "Are you _hugging_ us?" was heard. "Yes, I do. It appears the candidates have grown bored with the wait and are now hugging each other."

The blonde man blinked. "That's… an odd thing to do, hmm."

She nodded. "Yes, especially when they are here for an interview to attempt to join a criminal organization."

"Shh!" a dark-haired, dark-eyed person told them harshly.

"Sorry," the two responded together.

On the stage, the masked man paused in his speech, and looked down at the audience. "Is something wrong, Deidara-senpai?"

"He doesn't even know me, and he already calls me that?" Deidara mumbled under his breath. Aloud, he said, "No, sorry, hmm. Just had a problem… with my pen, hmm."

The blue-haired woman snorted. The leader of the organization glanced briefly at the two. "Carry on," he said to the man on stage.

"Okay," the man said happily. "As Tobi was saying, Tobi is cute, loveable, and fun to kick. And he wears a mask because he is too cute for people to handle on a regular basis!" Tobi cheered for himself. "And that is why Tobi should be allowed to join the Akatsuki!"

This time, everyone at the table blinked.

"Did he really describe himself as 'cute, loveable, and fun to kick', hmm?" Deidara asked Konan.

She nodded slowly. "He does have a good list of skills though," she said slowly.

Deidara looked doubtful.

_

* * *

_

And now, with another group of people

"Dagnammit, what happened to good, old-fashioned, secret entrance ways?!" Ino yelled.

"I could Gatsuuga a hole in the wall," Kiba suggested.

"Too obvious," Shino said. "It would be better if my bugs ate through the wall."

"Gatsuuga is better than your bugs!"

"Akamaru is not with us; it wouldn't be as effective."

Kiba looked around. "Crap, where _is_ Akamaru?"

"I can't see a thing inside the building," Hinata said. "They appear to have it blocked against things like Byakugan."

"Damn! We'll have to go ring the bell, then," Ino said, going to the front entrance.

"Wait, Ino, you saw what happened to Lee! They just dragged him in there!" Kiba protested.

"Our video must be awesome! Let's go!"


	15. He Hugged Me

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

**He. Hugged. Me.**

Lee and Zetsu were having a very intriguing conversation on ninja arts in the waiting room, much to the dismay and horror of the other men in the room, who were very frightened at the thought of eating an opponent (in Zetsu's case) or removing your weights to kick them down (in Lee's case), when a sudden bell sound rang throughout the room.

Zetsu looked around in surprise, stopping midsentence in his explanation of how he splits his body apart. "Oh!" he said, realizing what the noise was. "**The doorbell.**"

Just then, the door to the room opened, and in stepped the orange-masked man that had been scaring those in the auditorium. "Hi, Zetsu-san! Tobi finished his introduction! Tobi thinks he will be accepted! Yay!" Tobi looked over at Lee. "Oh, you found a green friend like you!"

"Hello," Lee said, bowing formerly. "I am Rock Lee."

Tobi bowed also, although he somehow managed to screw it up even though all you have to do is bend at the waist. "I'm Tobi," he said from the floor.

"Since Tobi is done, Lee-kun should go next," Light Zetsu said.

"**We will go answer the door. It feels like some civilians are there. Their chakra is weak.**"

"Snack time?" Light Zetsu asked. His (and Dark Zetsu's) head bobbed.

"**Yes.**"

"Wait!" Lee said, realizing something. "I think those civilians are from my home town!"

Zetsu and Tobi turned to stare at him. "Why would they be here?" Tobi asked.

"Um," Lee said, thinking quickly. "They probably came here to cheer me on," he decided.

Zetsu and Tobi now exchanged a look. It was a very strange thing to watch because Zetsu is technically two people, and Tobi only has one eye. Lee got the feeling that watching this occur multiple times would make him rather ill.

"Why would they cheer you on?" Zetsu asked in his light voice.

"Tobi had no one to cheer him on," Tobi said sadly.

_Oh, another one with an odd personality_, Lee thought. _Is this a requirement, too?_ he wondered. _I don't think I have any quirks like that_.

"I cheered you on in here," Light Zetsu informed Tobi, who somehow managed to look impossibly happy, despite the mask.

"Thanks, Veggie-san!" Tobi said. "But why would those civilians be here for you, Lee-san?"

"Um, in my village…" Lee began, looking for a decent reason. He never liked lying to people and wasn't very good at it. "We support those you are making great achievements."

"Trying out for the Akatsuki is a great achievement?" Zetsu asked, wrinkling his nose on the white side of his body.

"**Obviously. Weren't you glad when we joined**?"

"True…"

"Tobi will be glad when he joins! Then he'll always be with Deidara-senpai!"

"You only just met Deidara," Light Zetsu pointed out.

"**Why are you so attached to him?**"

Tobi giggled and turned his head slightly. A second later, Dark Zetsu let out his own barking laugh, so Lee assumed they exchange a joke of some kind.

"Anyway, why are they cheering you on for trying to join the Akatsuki?" Light Zetsu said, trying to bring the conversation back on topic.

"I live in a very odd village," Lee informed them.

"Your forehead protector is from Konoha," Tobi said.

Lee nodded. "Yes, and it is very odd there."

No one could tell, but Tobi narrowed his eye. _Times have changed_, Madara thought. _Is it good that Itachi is here or not?_

"Itachi-san is from Konoha," Zetsu said.

"**Maybe you know the same people**," Dark Zetsu pondered.

"Is Itachi Sasuke-san's older brother? I think he is a bit too old for us to know the same people. He was an ANBU captain when he left, too, which means he would know people much farther up than I."

"Oh," Zetsu said.

_Hmm, he knows a lot. Maybe I should tell Pein to consider him seriously… after all, there will be many opportunities for 'Tobi' to join the Akatsuki along the road…_

"But if they are from Konoha, please don't eat them," Lee was saying when Madara/Tobi tuned back into the conversation.

"**Okay. Fine. But only because I like you**," Dark Zetsu agreed.

Zetsu looked at him. "Wow, Zetsu-san, I'm proud of you."

"**Shut up. Let's go get the door now.**"

"Lee-kun should go in next!" Zetsu said, realizing they had kept Pein and the others waiting for quite a long time.

"Hey, wait," a brave and stupid member of the crowd in the room said. "We were here much longer, why can't we go next?"

"**Because I'll eat you if you try,**" Zetsu informed him simply.

The man shut up and sat down, shrinking against his chair.

Lee tried not to look disturbed at that, and allowed Zetsu to walk him to the door. "Good luck, Lee-kun!" Light Zetsu sang.

"**Yes, good luck**."

"If you get in, and Tobi doesn't," Tobi said gravely, "Tobi won't hate you. But don't steal my Deidara-senpai!"

"Okay," Lee agreed, bowing to the two (three?) men. He quickly hugged and pinned Tobi, then walked into the auditorium.

_

* * *

_

With our friends outside, by the door.

Ino rang the bell again, growing impatient.

"If you keep ringing it, they'll send someone out to eat us!" Kiba said, slapping her hand away from the button.

"Someone is coming," Shino said. They stopped bickering and waited nervously for the door to be opened.

Hinata saw the man first and gasped in surprise.

"Hello," a voice said in a cheerful sing-song.

"**How do you do? Are you from Konoha?**" a darker voice asked.

They exchanged glances, and then nodded nervously.

"Are you civilians?"

Another round of nervous nodding.

"Oh. Good. Come in."

"**Lee-kun's audition is about to begin**."

They exchanged glances again, but followed the man inside anyway.

_

* * *

_

With Lee

"Hello, I am Rock Lee," Lee said, bowing to the Akatsuki members sitting around a conference table before the stage.

The man with orange hair nodded at him, then nodded at the blue man sitting on the furthest left chair.

"I am Hoshigaki Kisame," the blue man said.

"Nice to meet you," Lee said.

"Sure, same to you," Kisame said, eyeing Lee's jumpsuit with a mixture of wariness and amusement.

"Uchiha Itachi," the next man said. "Who is your sensei?"

"Maito Gai," Lee answered, beaming. "I emulate him because he is my hero!"

Itachi nodded, and frowned as Kisame snorted. "You remember Gai, don't you?"

"Yeah, that's why I snorted."

"Quiet," the orange haired man said.

"I'm Hidan," a crazy sounding man said. Lee could imagine that this man would not be a very good morning person, but he bowed anyway.

"You can call me Leader-sama," the man with orange hair, sitting at the middle of the table, said.

"I am Konan," the blue-haired woman to his right said.

"Deidara, hmm."

"Oh! You are the one Tobi will never be separated from!" Lee exclaimed.

The blonde groaned as everyone else, apart from the leader laughed.

"You know, you look remarkably similar to my friend," Lee said.

"Great, hmm," Deidara said.

"I am Kakuzu," a man whose face was fully covered apart from his eyes, which were both red and green, said.

Lee bowed again.

"And now, we will start the interview," Leader said, as the door opened and Zetsu walked in, four figures Lee recognized as civilians following behind him.

"They came to support Lee-kun," Light Zetsu said.

"**It is a tradition of Konoha**," Dark Zetsu supplied.

Pein looked at Itachi, who shrugged. "Very well. You may sit there, but remain quiet."

They nodded, and sat down. Pein noted one taking a video camera out, but decided it didn't matter. They would just get the tape later. After all, no one could know about the Akatsuki hideout.

_

* * *

_

With Tobi

"He… hugged… me. He. Hugged. Me. Hehuggedme." Madara repeated this to himself many times, changing the inflection on the statement to see if he could understand it better.

It wasn't working, but Madara decided not to let that bother him. He realized something important, something he had been missing out on over the many years of his long life. Hugs were important.

"Tobi loves hugs!" he shouted, causing the others in the room to jump.


	16. Lee's Akatsuki Audition

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, but the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

I didn't mean to drop off the face of the earth for so long, but I got lost trying to find the road to life…

I will try to update LIFAST within the week, since I'm like two weeks behind schedule, and I'm trying my damndest to keep that story (at least) consistent.

I also have a really weird throat problem again; it's sore but doesn't hurt (if that makes sense). Mainly, when I talk, it sounds like I have a chicken living in my trachea and my voice goes in and out of focus. If this lasts too long, I'll forget what I actually sound like.

Anyway, the cracktastical moment we have all been waiting for, myself included, has finally arrived:

**

* * *

**

Lee's Akatsuki Audition

"Hello," Lee said again, trying to calm his nerves. He wasn't actually trying to get into the Akatsuki, but he still felt nervous anticipation and he wanted to do his best. Gai-sensei would be disappointed, after all, if Lee didn't try hard when given an opportunity such as this. He was about to speak again, but another door opened, and a short man with a seriously bad hunchback syndrome shuffled in… incredibly slowly. Lee could almost feel himself falling asleep watching the man walk to the table.

"Ah, Sasori-san," the leader said. "Glad you could make it after all."

"Danna," Deidara said. "You missed some real freaks while you were gone, hmm."

Sasori stopped walking and looked at the stage. "But not all of them, I see." He started moving again, much to Lee's immense relief, but it was still at the same infuriatingly slow pace.

Deidara laughed, but shut up at Pein's glare. "Sorry, Leader-sama."

"Is everything fixed?" Pein asked Sasori.

The puppet/puppeteer nodded. "Yes, my arm now functions perfectly. I am sorry to have kept you waiting."

"Don't worry, you didn't," Kisame the fish man said. "We went on without you."

"I see. Any interesting candidates?" Sasori asked.

"A man or boy called Tobi auditioned, but he and this fellow are the only ones worth mention," Itachi said.

Sasori looked up at the stage. Lee straightened out, trying to look professional, but inside, he was really feeling nervous, queasy, and a little excited at being here. "He's wearing green spandex," Sasori stated.

Everyone in the room nodded.

Sasori looked as though he wanted to say something else but didn't.

"Good. Continue, Lee-san," Pein said.

Lee nodded. "Well, as I mentioned before, my name is Rock Lee, Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast!" He refrained from striking the nice-guy pose, as the atmosphere seemed to deem it (sadly) inappropriate-he just kept running into these dour moods, didn't he? He also didn't think these Akatsuki members' eyes would be able to handle one of his real smiles. "I train with Maito Gai in taijutsu, and I hope to become the best taijutsu user around! I am a chuunin, but when the jounin exams take place next spring, I will take part in them."

"Wait, wait, wait," the psychotic Akatsuki member interrupted. "How on earth did you get here, of all places, when you're not even a chuunin? And what do you mean, 'you'll take part in the exams next spring'? I hope you at least left your village respectably," Hidan said.

Lee nodded. "Oh yes, of course I did." Hidan looked mildly relieved. "Izumo-san and Kotetsu-san were more than willing to help me get out of the village."

Hidan groaned.

Sasori blinked. _Were they really considering this guy?_ he thought.

_

* * *

_

With Team Eight and Ino

Kiba was having a very hard time restraining himself from snickering. Ino was having even more difficulty, and Kiba was sure that if she lost her control, the Akatsuki's audition hall would be filled with the sound of her gleeful cackling. Hinata and Shino were mastering their emotions, and nothing could be read from either of their faces.

However, that changed when the silver-purple haired guy said, "So you're not even a missing-nin?" Both Shino and Hinata smiled in amusement.

Lee nodded. Shino zoomed the camera in on his happy expression.

Hidan groaned. "We can't let him in the Akatsuki! It would undermine our reputation!"

The blonde who looked like Naruto stuck half-way between entering and exiting the Oiroke no Jutsu (his Sexy Technique) nodded. "Yeah, hmm. I—"

Whatever the blonde was about to say was cut off when the leader raised his hand. "Quiet. Let him finish. But also keep in mind that neither Konan-san nor I are actual missing-nin either. So it is possible for someone to be feared without destroying their village."

The Akatsuki around the table nodded, and Team Eight and Ino shivered.

Lee just smiled. "I'm not a missing-nin, and I love Konoha, but joining the Akatsuki would be interesting."

The leader nodded. "And what are some of your accomplishments?"

Ino chuckled, but then disguised it as a cough. Hinata pat her back.

Lee frowned. "Well… I don't like to boast about myself, because it is so thoroughly unyouthful, but I have mastered the chakra gates up to the fifth gate, I am very quick due to training with these weights on," he shook his left arm and leg a bit to demonstrate his point, "and I can fight on muscle memory."

"He also fights while drunk," Kiba muttered, remembering an unfortunate training session Team Eight took with Team Nine a few months ago.

"Interesting. Anything else?" Pein asked.

"I have defeated many criminals, and always honor my word! I am dedicated to doing what is right for those I am loyal to!"

"Who are you loyal to?" Leader asked.

"At the moment, Konoha," Lee replied.

"And would you be willing to revoke that if you did get into the Akatsuki?" Itachi asked.

Lee frowned. "That is certainly a good question. I would have to youthfully think it over before making a firm decision. I think forming an alliance between Akatsuki and Konoha would be best, but that is not my decision."

The leader nodded.

Kiba was surprised to see that the people around the table seemed to be considering Lee as a candidate with all seriousness. He worried for a moment about what would happen if Lee was accepted into this organization that was technically an enemy of their village, but pushed the thought from his mind. The main focus now was the video.

"Please give your closing speech, and then we will deliberate," the Leader said. He glanced around the table, and Shino noted, through the lens of the camera as he filmed this, that the men and woman all nodded slightly.

"Why are they nodding?" Hinata whispered.

Shino shrugged. "I do not know. Perhaps it is Akatsuki code."

Lee could no longer contain it. He smiled broadly, and made sure to tilt his head so the little light in the room reflected on his teeth. He spread his feet apart, and placed on hand on his hip, sticking the other outward with the thumb up. "I am Rock Lee, a genius of hardwork! I have determination and the Will of Fire! And I will never give up!" He bowed. "Thank you. I hope you will consider me for the position in the Akatsuki."

"You know, if I didn't know Lee very well, I would think he was actually trying out," Kiba commented.

"I don't think Lee-kun would ever do that, but they do seem to be taking his words into consideration," Hinata said.

Ino nodded. "I think they're just trying to decide if he's even worth the thought.

The plant man who had shown them in turned around and 'shh'ed at them. They shut up immediately.

Plant-guy was scary.

Lee hopped off the stage, still beaming broadly, and walked towards the table.

"You can go back to the waiting room now," the leader said.

Lee ignored him and kept walking towards the table.

Hinata, Ino, and Kiba tensed in anticipation, grinning stupidly, and Shino turned the camera towards their fellow Konoha-nian.

"What is he doing, un?" Deidara asked.

"No idea," Konan replied.

"Can I impale him with my big scythe?" Hidan requested.

"Can I impale him with Samehada?" Kisame asked.

"Hey, stop threatening to kill Lee-kun!" Light Zetsu protested.

"**Yeah, or I'll eat you**," Dark Zetsu warned.

Everyone at the table shut up, and Lee stood next to Kisame. "Prepare yourself," he said cheerfully, smiling brightly.

"My eyes!" Kisame protested. Lee hugged him as he blinked and covered his face.

"I can't see a thing," Itachi said.

Lee patted his shoulder consolingly, and then hugged him. "I'm sorry your brother hates you," he said as he pinned the Second-to-Last Uchiha.

Itachi nodded vaguely, in completely the wrong direction, but Lee said nothing, still smiling. "Is anyone else seeing a really big white blur?" Itachi asked.

They all nodded, but of course, he couldn't tell.

Lee moved on to Hidan, but the Jashin-worshipping psycho was not going to make it easy. "I'm not giving up without a fight," he said, very reminiscent of Kakashi-sensei.

Lee sighed. "Okay, but I should warn you that the last man who said that to me was hugged and pinned anyway."

As Hidan paled, Hinata giggled evilly. "This video is going to be amazing."

"It _is_ amazing," Ino corrected her.

"True," Hinata replied.

Kiba and Shino hushed them, preparing their equipment for another epic battle.

_

* * *

_

Meanwhile, back in the Hidden Leaf Village

Kakashi sneezed violently, causing snot to fill the inside of his mask. "Ew..." he said, peeling it off with two fingers and trying to keep it away from his neck.

Anko looked up, slightly dazed. "What's going on?" she asked, defensively holding a kunai in front of her. She caught sight of Kakashi's face and stared.

And stared.

And stared.

Then she laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

Kakashi sighed, but he only did that once. "Could you pass me a napkin?" he asked,

Anko, still laughing, handed one over. "What a great way to see your face for the first time!"

"Shut up," he told her.

* * *

_Still in Konoha_

"…And he … hugged me… face… boobs… kill…" Tsunade rambled.

Shizune looked appropriately shocked, but she was tuning in and out of listening to her mentor's rambles. She was more worried about Ino, Hinata, Shino, and Kiba following Lee around. Perhaps something good would come out of this, though. As Tsunade rambled, and pounded her fist on her desk, Shizune snuck papers underneath it so they were stamped and completed. It was hard to get the stamper into the Hokage's hand in the first place, but now, Shizune was reaping the benefits of her genius.


	17. Hidan's Hug

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

**Hidan's Hug**

_With Ino, Shino, Kiba, and Hinata, who are very happy Lee is … Lee._

Hidan picked his scythe up from nearby his chair, and jumped onto the stage.

"Ooh, a perfect setting," Kiba said happily.

"Hush, Baise-kun," Hinata admonished. "They'll take our camera away!"

"Sorry," he whispered.

Lee frowned at the Akatsuki member, but shrugged and jumped after him anyway. "Are you sure you want to do this, Psycho-san?" he asked politely.

Hidan's eyes went very wide, much like a bug's in Shino's professional opinion, and he swung his scythe heavily, angrily screeching out a battle cry as he rush towards Lee. Shino panned the camera over Hidan as he charged towards Lee. He was now an expert at making sure the camera was following the right person—in fact, if he ever couldn't be a ninja anymore, Shino was getting a job at Universal Studios. Or maybe Disney. He liked Disney.

Lee disappeared before Hidan's eyes, and he spun around quickly, looking for the green-wearing idiot (idiot being a very ironic thing for Hidan to call another person considering the IQ level he displays on a daily basis).

Shino turned the camera upwards to wear Ino pointed at Lee, who was sitting on the lighting rack removing his weights.

"Ooh, he's going to do this quickly, huh?" Kiba said.

Hinata nodded. "He does have many people to hug. This is more efficient."

"But rather anticlimactic," Ino complained.

"Hush," Shino told them.

_

* * *

_

With Lee

Lee set his weight down carefully, not wanting to damage the Akatsuki's stage, then jumped down towards Hidan, screaming his name as he went to make sure the man was prepared for the hug. "HIIIIIDAAAAAAANNN!"

Hidan looked up at the sound of his name, and stared in shock at the figure falling toward him. "Oh, crap," he muttered, unable to dodge or even raise his scythe in front of him; Lee's velocity was just too great.

Lee waved at the audience, as he saw the civilians had a video camera and probably wanted a souvenir for their time at the Akatsuki hideout, then turned his attention back to Hidan. A pin was hidden in his hand, and he planned to hug Hidan once he landed so the battle could end quickly. If he tired himself out too much, he'd have to take his medicine, and Gai-sensei warned him against doing that too often as it had rather… toxic effects, as Gai-sensei worded it.

Also, Lee was sure starting a _real_ battle within the Akatsuki headquarters was not a good idea.

Hidan, however, was unaware of Lee's plan, and even if he was, it was unlikely that he would allow Lee to carry it out. Hidan jumped backwards as soon as he noted Lee waving at the audience, and allowed Lee to hopefully go splat on the ground.

Hidan, it seems, forgot that Lee was a shinobi, and a chuunin-level one at that, so he was a little surprised (but very ticked off) when Lee rolled over and sprung to his feet. However, that didn't last long as he had to choose between trying to hack Lee apart with his scythe or attempting to escape from the very, very quick moving ninja charging at him. Hidan chose option one because it sounded like more fun and he was also pretty sure that he wouldn't get away from the charging Green Beast. He was, after all, the slowest Akatsuki member (in more ways than one, but he ignored that part).

Lee frowned unhappily as he noticed the crazy man swinging his big corn-cutter sideways multiple times. Honestly, what is so bad about a hug?

_

* * *

_

With the other non-Akatsuki people.

Hinata giggled slightly at Hidan's expression as he continuously tried to dodge Lee's ever-increasing-in-speed advances. He swung his three-bladed weapon wildly, trying to hit Lee in any manner possible. There was no rhythm to his attacks nor did it seem like there was a purpose or pattern; the already-random attacks became increasingly desperate and sporadic as he tried to keep Lee away.

Then, Hidan made the mistake of looking towards the audience to find the now-cackling Hinata and Ino to glare at them.

Lee, spotting his opponent's distraction, snuck up from behind and…

… pinned Hidan, after hugging him of course.

The Akatsuki Audition Hall went silent, but even Shino was having a hard time suppressing laughter at the expression on Lee's face. If Lee were to ever take drugs—which he wouldn't because they are very unyouthful and Gai-sensei would not approve—Shino was sure his facial expression now would not be that different from any expression he would make while high.

_

* * *

_

With Lee

Lee smiled happily, and had the odd thought cross his mind that this was the Peak of Happiness.

Hugging a criminal.

_Ah, it doesn't get any better than this_, he thought joyfully.

Luckily for Lee, his eyes were closed, so he couldn't see Hidan's horrified expression. Actually, "horrified expression" was not an apt description. Hidan looked more worried, freaked out, angry, scared, mentally scarred, fearing-for-his-life, and other such adjectives, than anyone else Lee had hugged so far.

If he wasn't frozen in fear, shock and the other aforementioned adjectives, Hidan would have turned around and buried his scythe into Lee right then and there, but unfortunately, his brain wasn't processing such logical thoughts at the moment. He would later claim to the Akatsuki doctor (Kakuzu, as he was the only one who could perform stitches) that he lost a few brain cells during that ten minute hug, and he was sure his neurons were now disconnected, but Kakuzu would respond with, "Don't worry, Hidan. You didn't have any brain cells in the first place, so there was nothing to lose."

Hidan would nod gratefully at this, and then about an hour later, scream in outrage when he realized what Kakuzu had insinuated. Three people would be randomly sacrificed to Jashin-sama as well, but at the moment, Hidan was still being hugged by Lee.

Eventually, Lee decided he had hugged all the unyouthfulness out of Hidan, so he dropped his arms.

The Akatsuki seemed to come out of their group coma, and Ino and Hinata finally gave into the cackling threatening to burst out of them once more. Shino laughed quietly precisely three times, and Kiba stared at him.

Lee hopped off the stage.

Pein blinked. "Thank you for that showcasing of your skills," he said hesitantly.

Lee blinked. "Huh? Oh," he said, realizing that it must appear he was trying to give a demonstration of his abilities. "I was only trying to hug him," he said modestly.

Pein nodded, and swallowed over his suddenly dry throat.

"I don't think I'll be fighting him, un," the pretend Akatsuki leader heard Deidara remark to Konan. _Smart man_, Pein thought.

Konan nodded. "I'll just surround myself with my small pieces of paper."

"You mean your post-its, un?"

Konan glared. "They are not post-its; they're small pieces of paper."

"Whatever you say," Deidara agreed sarcastically.

Pein turned his attention back to Lee, only to realize with a start that he was much closer than Pein had realized.

"Hi," Lee said youthfully. "I am going to hug you now. Do not be alarmed."

Pein nodded weakly, and couldn't help but wonder if his men would still listen to him after this. _Most likely_, he reasoned. _After all, they're all getting hugged, too_.

Lee leant down and wrapped his arms around Pein, checking carefully first that Pein wasn't going to move. Sure, Leader-sama (as Lee and everyone but Konan knew him) was not a woman and therefore did not have a bust for Lee to accidentally press his face into, but it was always more youthful to be safe than sorry.

Lee began to hum to pass the time as he hugged the Badiness (he was still trying to come up with a good youthful name for it so give him a break) out of Pein, and the orange-haired man looked up at him.

"Why are you humming?" Pein asked as disturbing images of Orochimaru and the one time they had gone on a group trip to the hot springs flashed through his mind—boy was that the mistake of a lifetime!

"To pass the time," came the response from the spandex-clad non-missing-nin.

"…Oh," Leader-sama said uncertainly.

"Hmm, do you feel more youthful now?" Lee asked.

Pein thought about it. "Um, I don't know," he answered honestly.

"Okay. More hugs then!"

"Oh—okay?"

Lee nodded cheerfully and hugged Pein again, securing a pin on the man's Akatsuki cloak while he was at it.

_

* * *

_

With Deidara and Konan, who are only two seats over...

Deidara and Konan watched in shock as the leader of the Akatsuki allowed this freak to hug him not once, but twice! Even Hidan—who, for those who are interested, was still on the stage staring blankly at nothing, looking just as scared as he had when Lee first hugged him fifteen minutes ago—had only been hugged once!

"How many times is he going to hug us?" Deidara hissed, his typical 'un' being dropped off in his fear and haste to get the question out.

"I have no idea," Konan said, as small pieces of paper (_Sticky-notes!_ Deidara thought stubbornly) began to surround her form.

An idea occurred to the blonde Iwa missing-nin. "I'm going to the bathroom, un!" he announced.

Pein found the strength and will-power deep within himself to glare at Deidara over Lee's form. "Don't you dare think you're getting out of this!" he hissed. He hissed it not out of anger but because it took so much energy to say. He wasn't sure if this was a special technique of Rock Lee's but he swore the energy was being sucked out of him the longer Lee hugged him.

"I don't, un," Deidara assured him, looking very sad at the thought. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Itachi, who got over his hug relatively quickly—he is, after all, an Uchiha, and Uchiha's must have unbreakable composure (he's also blind, so while he was being hugged, he had no clue what was going on and only felt a slight pressure when Lee's arms were around him. Apparently, Lee's huggy sensors had told him that Itachi wasn't as evil as everyone else in the room so he didn't need as big of a hug.)—snorted at Deidara and his wimpiness. "Please, it's just a hug."

Kisame, who had also recovered quickly (he's a fish. Why would Lee spend a long time hugging a fish?), snorted, too. "Yeah, and how long does it take to go to the bathroom anyway?"

Deidara ignored them and left the room.

_

* * *

_

With the 'civilians'.

"I wonder what he's doing," Kiba muttered.

The others shrugged. "We'll see," Shino said cryptically.


	18. Emo Be Gone

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

Haha, so I wrote in the last chapter that Pein felt as if his energy was being sucked out of him as Lee hugged him… and I just realized that one of Pein's paths has the ability to absorb chakra. I'm not sure if that makes me smart that I wrote that or incredibly lame. =/

Again, I'm sorry for the lack of updates (seriously, two months? What's wrong with me?), but the emoness came back. I have a horrible feeling it won't go away any time soon… so my updates will still be sporadic. Also, I kind of want to go over the previous chapters and edit/revise them. I love this story, but I think some parts could be much better, and others just were not necessary. Hopefully, that will not take too long, but I will be sure to let you all know when it really is completed.

Also, I have a question. Do you read crossovers if they are in the crossover section, or do you prefer to just peruse the _Naruto_ section, and if you see a good story, crossover or not, you'll read it? I'm having trouble deciding how I should classify some future stories because I don't read crossovers but I'm just one person…

**Emo Be Gone**

Lee decided Pein was fully hugged and all his evilness was gone, so he prepared to move onto the next person. Would there be another fight? He sort of hoped so. After all, this was _the_ Akatsuki! What better or more youthful chance to test his abilities as a shinobi would come along? If he didn't take advantage of this opportunity now, why, our hero might never get another chance! And that would be sadly unyouthful.

That said, however, Lee didn't exactly want to go around _provoking_ the Akatsuki. That, too, would be unyouthful. And he only had to fulfill his promise to Gai-sensei by hugging them all before sundown… along with all the other people on his list.

The woman didn't seem as if she was going to resist. She _was_ sitting rather stiffly in her chair, but he figured maybe her back hurt since she had been doing that pretty much the whole time he'd been in there.

"Hello," Lee greeted her, trying to remember her name. He was sure it had a "K" in it somewhere…

She nodded at him.

"Will you be fighting or not?" he asked, mindful of how the other kunoichi he'd hugged so far today had reacted. From having one of them blush to new shades previously unseen (Hinata), to trying to whack him with a frying pan (Ino), to throwing him out of a window (Tsunade), Lee had taken quite a beating today. This woman was in the Akatsuki, so whatever she came up with would probably be much worse.

Speaking of which, her and the blonde man had been saying something about 'small pieces of paper'… Lee's eyes narrowed. _Of course!_ he thought in realization. _She's planning a…. Death by Paper Cuts for me!_

Lee decided to be very, very cautious with this hug.

He didn't want to die from a paper cut.

He stepped forward nervously, trying to mimic the thing he had seen that cute little squirrel do all those years ago in the Chuunin Exams, where it made its eyes wide and innocent so as not to get hurt by predators.

_With Konan_

_Why are his eyes so huge? Are they getting bigger?_ Konan thought in disbelief as the boy walked closer to her. Actually, he was more like tiptoeing. He may have even been moving slower than Sasori tended to walk, which Konan would not have thought possible before today.

She sighed. "If you're going to hug me, just get it over with," she said.

The boy looked surprised, but he nodded and his eyes stopped getting all big and he just walked up to her in one step like he could have done from the beginning.

And here came his arms.

Konan tensed further, even though she was already prepared for—and resigned to—this. After all, she had already covered herself in the small pieces of paper she always had with her so she wouldn't actually feel it, but still… being hugged by a strange fellow in green who somehow had managed to make friends with both Zetsu and "Tobi" was slightly odd.

Lee fully put his arms around her, and Konan just closed her eyes and waited for it to end. Hugs were definitely not common in the Akatsuki, and in fact, the last hug she had really received (besides from Nagato, but that didn't count…) was when Jiraiya-sensei was with them in Amegakure. _Jiraiya-sensei… wow, I haven't thought of him in a while…_

_With Lee_

Lee suddenly noticed a change in the woman he was hugging, whose name, incidentally, he had finally remembered to be Konan, although he personally thought something like Paper-chan or Bluebell would suit her better. She was emitting the vibes of… emoness. The sort of emoness he hadn't seen since Uchiha Sasuke left the village, and his rival and teammate Neji was still obsessed with fate…

"Oh, no!" Lee said, squeezing Konan harder to make the emoness go away. _This is not good! I will have to hug her very hard to cure her of whatever brought this on! Be happy!_ Lee thought, trying to help her by simultaneously hugging Konan and sending his own happy vibes into her brain.

_With Konan (again, yes. I, for some reason, feel this chapter deserves an obnoxious constantly altering viewpoint)._

Konan wasn't sure what was happening, but suddenly Lee was hugging her harder, so that she wouldn't have been able to breathe if she hadn't already done something special with her paper to make sure that wouldn't become a problem.

He also seemed to be muttering something under his breath. She was sure she caught the words "Emo be gone", but she couldn't be too sure.

Just then, the door opened, and Deidara walked back in. "I'm back, un," he announced unnecessarily.

"Good," Pein (Nagato to Konan, but that's a spoiler… maybe) said. "You may have missed your hug."

"Oh, no, un," Deidara said sarcastically.

Konan looked at the blonde to try to determine what he had done, and almost did not notice anything different until she realized he no longer had his clay pouch with him. This either meant that he had taken it off to use the toilet (unlikely) or he had not included it when he formed his latest sculpture—a clay clone of himself.

_Good idea_, she thought. _This way, he won't have to personally feel the hug and few people will notice that the real Deidara is not here._ Konan smirked at another realization._ He'll still feel the hug, though, thanks to his insistence that he must be a part of his art at all times. Although I hope he doesn't plan on blowing this one up. Nagato will surely kill him, if Zetsu doesn't eat him first_…

"Better?" Lee asked.

Konan considered this. "Um… I feel like I am lacking in something vital," she began, trying to delicately phrase her need for oxygen.

"Oh, dear!" Lee said, then proceeded to hug her twice as hard as he was before, which basically meant the space she had included to give herself breathing room was negated.

"I… just… meant… I couldn't… breathe," she gasped out.

"Oh!" Lee's arms dropped quickly away. "But are you still feeling emo?" he asked seriously, bringing his face level to her own to convey the importance of this question.

"Emo?" Konan repeated. It was not a term she was familiar with. _Young people these days… wait, I'm only thirty-something_, she thought.

"Yes," Lee said, nodding seriously. "Are you exceptionally sad? Do you feel the need to wear a lot of eyeliner and eye shadow? Do you wish to dress only in black and dark colors?"

"I always wear this much eyeliner," she said, self-consciously touching near her eye.

"I see," he said with a frown. "I suppose you're as good as you can be then…" He gave her one last small hug, and a pin, then turned to the still-standing Deidara.

"My turn, un?"

"Yep!" Lee said cheerfully.

_With Zetsu and Zetsu_

"That was fun."

"**It's not done yet**."

"True, but it was fun seeing Pein—Leader-sama—get hugged. And Konan. She does wear too much eyeliner, though."

"**What do you think Deidara will do?**"

"That young brat?"

"**Yes**."

"He'll probably try to lick Lee…"

"**Maybe blow him up?**"

Zetsu frowned. "I hope not."

"**Me, too. if he does, let's kill him.**"

"Agreed. Leader-sama will be mad at us, but he'll get over it. Plus, it'll be—"

"—**another reason to have Lee-kun join the Akatsuki.**"

"Exactly. We're like twins!" Zetsu said excitedly.

"**We finish each other's thoughts**," Zetsu agreed.

"Okay, that's just annoying now," Zetsu told him.


	19. Adjectives

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. Kishimoto Masashi owns _Naruto_, but Jill owns the ideas within.

Ack, I am so sorry for this ridiculously looooooooooong wait. I started writing this chapter almost as soon as I finished chapter 18, but it was not finished and then I just stopped writing for a while (again). I am trying to get myself to stop doing that, so please bear with me! I had a lot of stuff come up, which has sort of calmed down now, but I am not expecting to be on a consistent writing schedule yet.

Deidara's bit is mainly because I had _The Tobi Show_ on my mind (look for it on YouTube).

**Adjectives**

Deidara was nervous.

No, he wasn't nervous.

He was scared.

No, he wasn't scared.

He was frightened.

Wait, he wasn't "frightened"! "Frightened" did nothing to convey the feelings coursing through the blonde's head at the moment. "Frightened" didn't describe how his heart was beating so quickly, he could feel it thumping in his chest, as if it was trying to get out, or at least, shimmy its way along to the other side of his body. "Frightened" didn't detail how his palms were sweating to the point that he could stop a drought in an ocean. "Frightened" didn't tell anything about the quickening of his breath, nor did it share how his adrenaline was speeding through his body, making his system on high alert and tensing his body to react to every sound.

"Frightened" certainly did not show how much Deidara wanted to run away screaming, waving his hands above his head like that idiot Tobi, just to get as far away from Lee as he could as the other shinobi wrapped his arms around the Iwa ninja's shoulders and hugged him.

"Frightened" was just not adequate as an adjective.

"Are you feeling better?" the green _menace_ asked spitefully. Deidara did his best not to shudder horribly as the Leaf-nin talked in his ear. Konoha's Green Beast, indeed! Deidara fully understood why he needed that nickname; no one else would be beastly enough to perform something like this!

(Although a small part of Deidara could appreciate the Green Beast's artistic expression in the hugs he gave, as they were all fleeting moments in time.)

Nodding stiffly, Deidara remained mute and tried not to move anymore than he had to, lest he bring more contact upon himself from the freaky boy hugging him.

"You seem very frightened," Lee remarked.

Deidara almost screamed. Almost. _I've already been through this un!_ he mentally yelled at the kid, ignoring, for the moment, the fact that all his ranting had been done in his head. "Oh really?" he said aloud through his teeth.

"Yes…" Lee replied. Then he suddenly squeezed Deidara more, and the blonde could guess that he thought Deidara's response and lack of motion in general just made him sadder and thus, more in need of a hug.

_Ouch, un. I feel like my insides are going to leak through my orifices, un_, he thought. In a sudden moment of panic, he glanced down and checked the mouths on his hands. Nope, nothing was leaking out of them. A part of him wished there was something coming from his mouths, though, so that he could pretend it was clay getting ready to blow Lee up, even though he knew Leader-sama would be angry at the end of his little "Art is a bang, un" session.

Deidara frowned. He wasn't even the real Deidara, but he couldn't handle this. When he dispelled, the real Deidara was going to have to go through a lot of therapy. He just hoped the Akatsuki didn't use Hidan as the therapist again just because he was the only one with a religious background. He still hadn't gotten over the last time Leader sent him to Hidan to "talk".

_With Lee_

Lee pulled back a bit, frowning. This hug just didn't seem to be working. The blonde ex-Iwa shinobi seemed… preoccupied, and thus, was not properly assimilating with Lee's hugginess.

Also, even though as a ninja, Deidara was in top physical condition, he felt slightly… squishy. As Lee hugged him tighter to reinforce the youthfulness he was sending Deidara's way to make up for what was undoubtedly a very sad personal story for the blonde, the older ninja's arms had squelched a bit in a most unpleasant and decidedly not youthful manner.

The boy had also looked down at his hands for a second, so perhaps he noted something odd, too. Lee paused, waiting to see if Deidara would say anything, but the other ninja still seemed to be thinking about something else.

Lee coughed politely to gain Deidara's attention.

"Hmm, un?" Deidara said, looking up a few coughs later.

"I was just wondering if you felt any different yet," Lee said.

Deidara stared at him.

"As in, more youthful? Less emo? Less evil?"

Deidara stared at him a little more.

Lee sighed. "Never mind." He then commenced hugging the blonde. _This one certainly is difficult_.

"Oh, you mean, do I want to blow you up less and stuff, un, right?" Deidara said, finally understanding Lee's question.

Lee nodded.

"Oh. No, un."

Lee decided not to reply, except to hug a little more.

_With Deidara the Clay Clone_

Deidara just waited for the hug to end, but it seemed Lee was also waiting for a reaction of some sort. He wanted to sigh, but thought that was the wrong reaction to give. Instead, he looked around, noting that Hidan seemed to have recovered from his shock enough to begin opening and closing his mouth like a fish. Pein was stoic as usual, and Konan seemed to be… eyeing Lee wistfully? Well… that was odd.

Deidara blinked. Was that for real? He couldn't believe it! He begun to smirk, almost snickering at the thought… of Konan… _Konan!_ Liking this boy?

"Bahahah!" he bellowed out, laughing ludicrously.

Lee stepped back in shock, staring at him as he clutched his sides. Everyone else was also looking at him, but the clone did not care. It was just too funny!

"Konan," he gasped out, "I don't believe it!"

Konan flushed bright red, being the only one to understand what he was saying. "I think he's youthful now, Lee-san," she said quickly.

Pein gave her an odd sideways glance, which she determinedly ignored by glaring sullenly at the kid's filming the whole thing.

Lee nodded slowly. "It would appear so. He is certainly laughing most youthfully," he remarked in a distracted sort of way."

"Time to hug someone else, then," Konan said in her usual bored tone, but she said it faster than she usually responded to someone, making Deidara's clone laugh all the more.

"Right," Lee said distractedly. He looked at Deidara one last time, before turning to Kakuzu, his next victim.

"I guess it is my turn, huh?" Kakuzu growled out.

Lee nodded, already forgetting Deidara and preparing himself for this next hug.

"Well… get on with it, then."

Lee moved forward, arms open, preparing for the hug…


	20. Anticlimax

Kishimoto Masashi owns _Naruto_, but the ideas within this story are Lil' DeiDei's.

It's been a while, but here we are. O.o

**Anticlimax**

Rather anticlimactically, Lee hugged Kakuzu.

Even more anticlimactically, Kakuzu allowed it.

"The quality of this filming material is beginning to suck," Kiba complained. "I was hoping for more blood, guts, violence, fighting! You know, how most people would expect the Akatsuki to react to _Lee_ hugging them!"

"Kiba-kun," Hinata began.

"How many opportunities do you even have to film _the Akatsuki_ being hugged, doofus?" Ino interrupted. "This will be YouTube gold!" she proclaimed.

"Why is this true?" Shino asked. "Because it has never been seen before," he answered himself.

Kiba huffed. "Fine… What's going on with the blue-haired girl, by the way? She looks like the wants to turn Lee into a teddy bear and keep him to herself."

They exchanged looks.

"Well, that about covers it," Lee said, jumping away from Kakuzu into the lighting units to retrieve his weights. "I'm off to Suna! I'll see you guys later!"

"Bye, Lee-kun!" Zetsu and Zetsu said together.

"I'll miss you," Konan whispered as Lee smashed through the window somehow without cutting himself or his jumpsuit.

Sasori looked smug.

"What's up your butt, Danna?" Deidara asked, misunderstanding the expression.

Sasori glared at him. "Nothing. That boy did not hug me," he stated smugly.

Deidara stared at him before promptly growling not quite under his breath and complaining bitterly about life and unfair circumstances.

"Shut up, Deidara," Pein told him. "This clearly needs to be rectified. The boy was not required as part of his audition to hug everyone, but as he made it his mission, Sasori, you must be hugged." What he really meant was, "Son of a goat! I can't believe someone managed to get away free! Not fair!"

Kiba blinked from his seat near the stage, having understood most of this somehow.

"Um, what, Leader-sama, un?" Deidara asked.

"It is necessary that Lee-san complete his hugs. Sasori, you must follow him to Suna. Get him to hug you. Deidara, you will obviously go with him," Pein said, as if this was normal.

Sasori stared at the leader, and slowly opened his mouth to say something.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Konan preempted his efforts. "Just go." _They'll never make it there before Lee leaves, what with how fast Sasori moves_, she thought.

Pein glanced at her. "As she said."

"That's our cue," Ino whispered. The four Konoha nin leapt through the hole Lee made and headed towards Suna.

"Okay, Leader-sama," Sasori agreed neutrally. He gave Deidara a glance. "Let's go, brat."

"All right, all right, un," Deidara grumbled.

"Bye-bye, Senpai!" Tobi shouted, appearing out of nowhere.

"How is he already so weird?" Deidara asked, totally ignorant of the near future.

"Oh, and while you're there," Pein asked as if he was about to ask them to pick up Chinese takeaway, "try and capture the jinchuuriki there, Gaara."

Deidara blinked and grumbled some more.

* * *

_With Lee_

The great sand walls of Suna rose in the distance, creating a slight bump on the horizon that disappeared if one blinked at just the right moment, when the sun hid behind a cloud. Lee could spy guards in the towers and wondered briefly what he must look like to them; a great blur crossing the desert, a cloud of dust raising behind him and polluting the air. This was quite the work out, but he needed to gain enough moment to be able to sprint up the wall. He couldn't cling with chakra for obvious reasons, and normal climbing methods would take too long. The guards had to be hugged.

The walls got nearer.

Lee ran faster.

The guards were just about to raise the call of alarm for a stranger when Lee was suddenly upon them, hugging and pinning in a flashing blur of green.

He raced down the other side of the wall and headed toward the Kazekage Tower in the center of the village, hugging everyone he passed on the way.

"Kami! What was that?" one guard asked the other.

"I'm not sure," the second guard answered, pulling out a hand mirror to check his makeu—face paint. "I will go warn Gaara immediately!" he said, shoving the mirror back into his pocket and raising his hand in a battle move.

"…Yeah… You do that," Baki told Kankurou. Kankurou nodded seriously and leapt from the tower, heading to warn his brother of the Green Danger that had entered their fair(ly dusty) city. Baki raised his binoculars to his eyes and scanned the horizon. "Incoming," he mumbled under his breath as four figures came into view on the edge of the horizon. "People are moving today," he said to himself. He put the binoculars down, opened a cooler, grabbed an iced tea, his book, and sat in his lawn chair. "It'll be a while before those guys get here," he stated.

* * *

_With Gaara_

Gaara sat at his desk, busily working through his day, stamping papers with his left hand as his right signed documents, wrote new bills, and agreed to allow peaceful trade on the route from Iwagakure to the Water Country. He hummed quietly under his breath and, every 5,000 pages or so, took a sip of tea from the steaming mug on his desk.

"La la la la la la la, lal la lal al la la," he sang in a cheery sort of way. Today was going well. And then, suddenly, he sensed it. Something… something… something _bad_. No, not bad. Just. Just unusual. Yes, something _unusual_ was in the air. And it was moving closer to his office. In fact, it was just around the corner, down the hall, take a left, and go straight to the entrance of the Kage Tower, and it was moving at hyperspeed.

Gaara calmly sipped his tea and placed his stamp and pen aside. Then he moved his papers into the correct boxes ("Incoming", "Outgoing"), folders ("Trade", "War Declarations", "Treaties", "Internal Disputes", "External Disputes", "Daimyo Correspondence", "Other Correspondence", "To Do", "Why Me?"), and envelopes (Uzamaki Naruto, Apt. 666, Konoha, Fire Country), and proceeded to fold his hands together on the desk's surface as he waited for the unstoppable force to intrude upon his office.

Less than 0.000001 seconds later, the door was opened, shut very carefully to avoid damaging the wood, and a boy Gaara recognized from two previous encounters approached the desk in less time than Gaara could raise his _automatic_ defense shield.

"Hello, Lee-san. What brings you here?" Gaara asked.

Lee, admittedly a bit bored with the way he'd been handling the hugs so far (No more fights with the Akatsuki? He was truly disappointed.), decided to embrace his flamboyant side. "It's huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug time!" he cried.

He scaled the desk and grabbed a string from a pocket on his jumpsuit, tugging as he went. A line of pins flew from the string and centered themselves on Gaara.

The Kazekage's eyes narrowed. "Oh, is it?" he countered.

* * *

AN: This seems serious to me but that may be because I am used to this story just being absolutely ridiculous and that feels really toned down in this story. No worries though. My plans for the next chapter should fix that. =) Let me know what you think, please!


	21. Ninja Brawl

YES! COLLEGE IS DONE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER! Ignoring the fact that going in the first place was my choice, I never have to get educated again unless I decide to! YAY! :D

**Ninja Brawl**

Gaara, recognizing the imminent threat Lee posed with his happy smile and hug pins, leapt quickly backward, arms thrown forward with a charged jutsu to delay the taijutsu user's advance.

Lee responded in kind, darting to the left as he swung the string around like a lasso, hoping to catch even a part of Gaara within its snare, but really only managing to take out the light bulbs on the chandelier dangling from the ceiling and a few window panes.

Gaara flinched at each sound of the breaking glass, knowing his secretary and interior decorator were not going to be happy when they saw this. For once, though, that paperwork wouldn't affect him, so he didn't really care all that much.

It's not that he was really against the idea of a hug, per se—Temari had taken to hugging him at least once a month, and was now increasing it to once a week, and it was actually rather enjoyable to be held by another person and feel their warmth through their arms and body—he just was rather bored of his paperwork and diplomatic duties, and figured Lee's Hugfest was a great opportunity to release some pent up energy.

Thus, Gaara engaged Lee in a full out ninja brawl, the likes of which hadn't been seen since their fight at the preliminaries during the chuunin exam.

_Although I will be more restrained this time_, he thought.

Shukaku snorted. _Please, you? Restrained? Gimme a break._

"Shut up," Gaara replied, concentrating on the battle. His sand formed a shield around him automatically, containing him within it as Lee swung the chakra string and its blade of Hug Pins around the room even more vigorously.

"Youthful Gaara!" he crowed. "I will hug you eventually! Even the Akatsuki could not stop me!" he said.

Gaara paused momentarily and blinked. _The Akatsuki?_ he thought. How had _Lee_ hugged the Akatsuki? And gotten away with it?

He resolved to hold a meeting with Tsunade-sama as soon as their schedules matched up. He had to know more; the Akatsuki were becoming quite a threat to the villages, after all. And if Lee-san could get close enough to hug them…

Dissolving the shield, Gaara raised his arms to attack, his sand mimicking him. It flew towards Lee in an arc, but the boy evaded, twisting his body and coming up under Gaara's arms.

Gaara's eyes widened. Lee was faster than before; his weights were not yet removed. Gaara redoubled his efforts, quickly calling the earthy elements back towards him in a spike, breaking it apart into multiple spears at the last minute.

Lee danced around his opponent, concentrating on preventing a hit to his form instead of landing a punch on Gaara.

Gaara smirked. This should take care of him.

Sand flew at Lee in a sudden onslaught, having been trickling in from the outdoors with the force of Gaara's powerful chakra throughout the battle thus far. Lee had no time to move out of the way, and he eeped in a shocked voice as he ducked and covered.

A second later, his head popped up from beneath the giant sand hill Gaara had created in the middle of his office. "Well-played, Kazekage-Gaara-sama," Lee said, smiling goofily as sand poured from his hair and ears.

Gaara smiled benevolently. "I know," he told the other shinobi.

"But," Lee said, a glint to his eye Gaara knew quite well from watching Naruto. "We have only just begun!" With that, an ominous _clunk_ noise clanged on the ground, and Lee disappeared.

Gaara only had time for one thought to form in his head: _Shit._

Lee sprang from wherever it was he had been hiding and catapulted his body toward the kazekage's. His weights removed, the speed at which he traveled increased exponentially and Gaara could see nothing of his movements. The leader of the Sand Village spun at the last moment, guessing more than predicting where Lee would be. Gaara struggled to prevent himself from flailing randomly to keep his attacker at bay, but to describe the other boy as a "green blur" would be an understatement.

_I thought I was training hard_, Gaara mused to himself,_ but I am nothing compared to the power Lee-san has amassed._ He dropped his arm and forced his guard down to allow Lee to end the fight and hug him.

Lee beamed in satisfaction as he finally landed on Gaara and wrapped his arms (and the chakra string of pins) around the formidable opponent.

_Perhaps if I hadn't bored myself with paperwork first, I would have done better,_ Gaara thought, consoling himself.

"Gaara-san," Lee said, bowing as he backed away. "Thank you for a most excellently youthful battle! We are surely a great match in speed and offensive power, and only spars like this can improve our youthful tenacity and endurance. I wish you the best luck and youthfulness in your future, Kazekage-sama!" Lee cried out in a youthful way.

He turned and escaped through the broken windows, hugging the rest of Suna before Gaara could react.

The door burst open and Kankurou flew in. "Gaara!" he cried. "A green blur is on its way through the village and we need to…" he trailed off as he took in the state of both the office and his brother. "Um. What happened?"

"Rock Lee," Gaara answered simply.

His brother continued to gape.

"Care to assist me with this ninja wire?" Gaara asked calmly, attempting to pry off the pins wrapped around his body with his teeth.

Kankurou shook his head to clear the astonishment and moved to assist Gaara. "I take it we're safe now?"

Gaara glanced out the window, where a giant dust trail could be seen in the distance, heading towards Kirigakure and Mizugakure. "Presumably, Lee-san has other places to attack," he said blandly.

Kankurou squinted at the sight. "Presumably," he agreed, his own pin glinting happily in the sunlight.

* * *

_Meanwhile, with the Stalkers_

"Aargh! Why does he run so fast?!" Ino yelled in exasperation.

"Because he trains for speed and—"

"I _know_ why, Shino!" she yelled. "I just wish he was more considerate of the rest of us!"

Shino adjusted his glasses. "If I am not mistaken, I do not believe he is even aware we are still following him."

Kiba frowned as a new dust trail appeared, heading even further away from Fire Country and towards the northern lands. "Guys… whatever epic battle we were hoping to catch between him and Gaara, I think it's over now."

Hinata nodded. "You're right, Baise-kun," she said, sticking with their code names, just in case. "I think he is serious in his attempt to hug _everyone_ before the day is over."

Kiba's frown deepened.

"Perhaps we need a new approach," Shino suggested as the group all came to a pause in an unspoken agreement that they needed rest. Completing a single journey that should take three days in only one hour could really tire you out, even if you are a ninja. Actually, if the journey takes three days when you are a ninja, and you run it in sixty minutes _without_ becoming tired, your kage may test you for steroids or outlawed ninjutsu.

Hinata nodded her agreement as Ino and Kiba sank to the ground and gulped water from their respective flasks. "Maybe we should return to Konoha?" Hinata put forth.

Ino and Kiba's eyes both flashed towards her as they began to move to their feet to argue.

The girl held up a hand. "Wait, let me explain."

They reluctantly sat back and waited.

"If we continue to follow Lee-kun, we will always be one step—or more—behind him and we will miss a lot of filming options of the best hugs. We already missed him hugging the kazekage, for instance," she pointed out reasonably.

"So what do you suggest we do?" Kiba said, trying to be patient.

"I think we should go back and prepare for Lee's next and final hug. Well, next after he is done in the other countries."

"Final hug? In Konoha?" Ino asked, confused. "I thought we already filmed him hugging everyone in Konoha?"

Beneath his sunglasses, Shino's eyes brightened with understanding. "Ah," he said simply.

"Ah?" Kiba repeated. "What do you mean, 'ah'?"

"Why should we go back to prepare for the final hug in Konoha?" Shino began his explanation. "Because Ino is right, he already hugged everyone in the village. However," Shino stated, "he has not hugged the ones outside the village."

Kiba face-palmed. "We already know that! That's why we're here!"

Ino began to get it. "No, Kiba, he means that Lee has hugged the villagers who are home right now. Who do we know that is not home but will be soon?"

Kiba just stared at her. "Why can't you just tell me and skip the stupid evasive questions that force me to have to think for myself?" he complained.

Ino sighed and resisted the urge to smack him upside the head. "Naruto!" she said in an exasperated "I can't believe you couldn't guess this" voice.

"Oh," Kiba said, drawing the word out to demonstrate his understanding. Spelled phonetically, it looked more like, "Oooooooooooooooooooooooh."

"Yes," she said, glad everyone was finally on the same page.

"I am in agreement with Hinata," Shino said, bringing everyone back to the matter at hand. "We can conserve our energy by returning home and give ourselves more time to prepare for the most important hug of this whole… documentary. Lee-kun is impossible for us to catch up with, at least in one day."

Hinata beamed proudly. "Let's go, then!"


	22. Kawaii

**Kawaii**

Racing back to Konoha as if their lives depended on it, the Intrepid Quadruplets ran through forests, leapt over rivers, climbed sand dunes, and barged through the village gates as quickly as they could.

In the five and a half hours it took for them to do that, Lee hugged the rest of Suna and started in on Water Country, making his way around the coast to circle back through Orochimaru's lair on his return journey to Konohagakure. Sundown was approaching.

Deidara and Sasori, on the other hand, had finally made their way out the front door of the base. They considered this most excellent progress.

"Oh heavens," sighed Pein, rolling his eyes. "This will take all night."

_Back with the Four from Konoha_

"All right, looks like we're all set up. I think we should be good. Kiba, put the camera over there! Shino, make sure the curtains blend in. Hinata, you prepared to be the distraction?"

Hinata nodded slyly at her blonde friend.

"Good. We need to get moving, people!" Ino yelled.

"Sheesh, we don't even know if he's coming back today," Kiba grumbled to Shino and Akamaru, who appeared again for the sake of convenience. I really forget where he's been the last couple of chapters, but for all those who worried, he is alive and well and standing before our… heroes?

Ino gave Kiba a flat look. "Of course he's coming back today. He's Lee. He runs faster than the wind!" she proclaimed.

Kiba returned her expression with an equally blank one of his own. "Are you serious?" he asked.

She merely shrugged before shooing him back to work.

_With Lee_

Lee pulled up short, his feet skidding across the forest ground as he halted in front of Orochimaru's lair. "Aha!" he cried happily, skipping down the steps to find Sasuke, Orochimaru, and Kabuto, as well as any other minions that happened to be hanging around the place.

"Hello?" he called into the dark hallway. There was no reply, yet Lee was undeterred. Marching through the corridor, he prepared his Pins of Hugginess and readied himself for resistance.

Instead, he came upon a great hall, lit by few candles and no modern electric lights. As his eyes adjusted to the sudden dimness, he made out all three of his quarry seated at a table in the midst of the darkness. A board of some sort was laid out in front of them, small green and red pieces and iron tiles of some sort scattered atop its surface.

"Report to the Holding Cell immediately," Orochimaru suddenly said.

Lee stopped in his tracks. How did he know he was here? He'd only just arrived!

"Do not pass Konoha, do not collect your S-Rank pay," the villain continued.

Lee's brow wrinkled in confusion. How on earth did Orochimaru know Lee was completing a mission worth the value of an S-rank sanctioned by the village?

"Ah, dagnammit!" Kabuto said in frustration. "Jail again? I only just got out!"

"Maybe if you didn't stack the dice…" Sasuke muttered.

"I don't stack the dice!" the other minion yelled. "I just get lucky and roll doubles a lot!"

"Twenty-four times in a row is more than lucky, cheater," Sasuke replied.

"Now, now, boys," Orochimaru chided gently in a mothering tone of voice. "Play the game like the good little ninjas you are. Kabuto, move your ninja sandal to the prison, and Sasuke, roll the dice and get that little kunai of yours moving."

Lee blinked. He was almost positive there was a double meaning to that, but no one else seemed to be acknowledging it as they continued their game of Monopoly: Shinobi Edition. Wondering who had conquered the Ninja Academy's, he stepped forward to make his presence known to the trio.

"Hey guys! Anyone playing as the ninja wire? I'll buy in," he proclaimed.

Orochimaru looked up and hissed. "The Kage hat is spoken for, brat."

"He said nin—"

"What are you even doing in here?" Sasuke interrupted Kabuto, not really caring about anything the man had to say.

Lee grinned. This was most definitely his favorite part of his self-proclaimed mission: the moment when his prey discovered his quest, when they knew he would inevitably hug them and they would feel his love and Will of Fire undeniably radiating through his arms and chest. The part where he stepped forward and proclaimed himself as Konoha's Green Huggy Beast.

Kabuto held up a finger to pause Lee's response. "I know what's wrong," Kabuto said.

"Oh great, another one of those speeches about how you're a medic and therefore know everything and Orochimaru-sama should always, always listen to you and you alone," Sasuke complained in a voice that indicated this was a familiar subject and argument.

"Well," Kabuto answered, irritated, "I _am_ a medic and I _do_ know more than anyone else here about the human body, and Lee-san's condition looks to be—"

Lee frowned in annoyance. Every second these jokers wasted arguing was another moment to tack on to his self-applied mission, and he just didn't have the time to waste, not if he truly wanted to help Gai-sensei. Not to mention, Orochimaru was totally taking money from the No Man's Land while he thought no one was paying attention.

Coughing loudly to regain their attention, Lee began his well-practiced speech. "I'm here to hug the emo out of you!" he said. Yes, the day had been long, but productive. Fruitful, really. He felt he had made a real difference in the world, and now, he only had these three and the other minions in the hideout, and Naruto and Jiraiya left to hug and then… and then he was done. He will have hugged everyone.

Although somewhere in the back of his mind was a niggling little something, telling him he had forgotten something… or someone…

_Meanwhile,with Deidara and Sasori_

"Oh, sweet kami," Pein sighed. The pair had just finished crossing the river. Pein once more rolled his eyes before retreating back inside the cave to watch television.

_Back with Lee_

"Don't resist!" Lee cried, running forward with his precious pins at the ready.

"What makes you think I would?" Orochimaru asked creepily, licking his lips.

Lee slowed imperceptibly as Kabuto and Sasuke both backed away from their master.

"Um, yeah…" Sasuke muttered. "See what we put up with?" he asked rhetorically.

Lee quickly threw the pins at Orochimaru and placed his arms around the man for the barest of seconds before dancing away. Even he did not particularly fancy getting caught up in this man's limbs.

That hug done and thankfully out of the way, Lee turned to Kabuto, not fully aware of the young man's sob story, but knowing that everyone in the shinobi world had suffered in some way and thus required a Hug of Youth. He spread his arms wide and charged towards Kabuto, his speed still undiminished. Kabuto had no chance of escape. His chakra scalpels had only just charged when Lee was moving away toward Sasuke, the hug complete.

Sasuke, however, being a possessor and heir of the Sharingan, as well as a ninja who had trained briefly to attain a speed comparable to Lee's, knew what to expect and was able to put up a fight.

Lee rolled his eyes. Fighting was fun and all, and this was certainly most excellent training, but why was everyone continuously running away as if hugs were a bad thing? Especially the people who needed it most, like, just as a random example, the second-to-last surviving member of a once respectable and well-populated clan of the most powerful ninja village in the world.

Lee shrugged to himself. Who was he to question the inner workings of a clan? His only family was Team Gai.

These thoughts all passed through his head as he watched Sasuke flick around the room, running as if his life depended on it to avoid Lee and his hugging arms. The other ninja had definitely not let his speed training go to waste, and though Lee was obviously stronger and faster than he had been during the Chunnin Exams, his long day of running after, hugging thoroughly, and pinning happily was finally catching up on him.

Sasuke smirked. "You used to be faster," he said smugly.

"Yes," Lee agreed. "But it would appear that running through Five Great Shinobi Nations can even tire a Will of Fire as strong and brightly glowing as mine. Not to mention my various battles with the Akatsuki and kage's of the other nations," he continued. He was not bragging; he was just explaining.

Sasuke stopped in shock. "You did… What?"

Orochimaru licked his lips. The boy clearly was strong. In fact, that green body suit certainly highlighted just how strong Lee-kun was. He—

"Orochimaru!" Sasuke demanded. "What have you been doing with me? You're wasting my time! I'm not growing strong enough fast enough! He took on the Akatsuki! And the kages!" Sasuke whined petulantly.

Kabuto pushed his glasses further onto his face. "Orochimaru-sama is training you at the pace he feels is reasonable," he told Sasuke.

Orochimaru waved a hand. "But not any longer!" He pointed dramatically at Lee. "I will train him instead! I want you to be my new body!"

Lee stared, shocked, the opportunity for him to hug Sasuke while the other was distracted slipping away.

"I can put my soul inside you," Orochimaru said seriously, sidling up to the young chuunin and wriggling.

Lee moved a cautious step back. "I don't think that's such a good idea…"

"Orochimaru!" Kabuto practically wailed. "First Sasuke, and now this joker? Is it the eyebrows?" he demanded angrily. "I'll bet it's the eyebrows. You just don't like me because I pluck my eyebrows, don't you? I knew it!" he rambled. "You can wax yours, ohhh, _sure_, that's fine, but the instant I take some pride in my appearance, it's nooo, Kabuto, I want Lee-kun as my container instead."

The room was silent.

"Wow," said Sasuke. "I thought my problems were bad."

Lee patted his shoulder sympathetically. "They are!" he assured the emo nin. "Which is why I'm here! Here to hug you!" With that, he grabbed Sasuke and held him close, being sure to apply pins to every available surface on the boy's clothing. "Mmmm, isn't that nice?" he asked rhetorically.

Sasuke took the opportunity to emphatically shake his head.

Lee ignored him and snuggled closer. "Yay, hugs," he said.

Orochimaru wiped a tear from his eye. "My cute little container!" he squealed happily, pulling a camera from kami knows where. "Getting his first hug!" He snapped a couple of photos as Sasuke squirmed in Lee's arms, Lee completely ignorant of Sasuke's discomfort. Or just uncaring. Probably that, actually.

Kabuto huffed at his chair, deciding he had had enough of this rubbish. While no one was paying attention, he shifted his Ninja Sandal from the jail cell and robbed Orochimaru's hidden cash-stash.

Lee finally deemed Sasuke to be sufficiently hugged and so he stepped back and released the boy. "Well, my work here is done! I think you will all be recovered in no time at all. And just remember, hugs can take the pain away!" He smiled his glaringly bright smile and stuck a thumb up before essentially vanishing from the room.

There was silence for a moment.

"So… KAWAII!" Orochimaru screamed. "I want!"

"OROCHIMARU-SAMA, NOOOOO!" Kabuto's resolve was broken once more. He wailed in despair.


	23. The Grand Finale

**The Grand Finale**

The village of Konoha was hidden away behind a myriad of forests, the likes of which were seen nowhere else in the world. The trees were lush with greenery, and birds, squirrels, deer, bunnies, and the like frolicked freely and feasted upon the berries and nuts that grew aplenty. Tigers, giant caterpillars, bears, and snakes also lurked in the undergrowth of the woods, but those were not mentioned outside of events like the Chuunin Exams, and besides, jounin were regularly sent on missions to contain the beasts. It was great for retraining your muscles after an extended stay in the hospital.

It was through this environment that Jiraiya of the Three Sannin and Uzumaki Naruto trekked. The Fire Country was a lively place, and they were both glad to be home. After two years away, Naruto was ready for some Ichiraku ramen and a date with Sakura.

"As if," Jiraiya said, snorting.

Naruto glared up at him. "What do you mean, 'as if'? Of course she'll say yes! I've gotten stronger! And I've been gone so long!"

Jiraiya merely shook his head at the younger ninja.

"Look!" Naruto said excitedly, pointing ahead. "We're almost there!"

Indeed, the village gates were beginning to show through the small gaps in the trees, wide open and welcoming to weary travelers such as themselves.

Jiraiya grinned in spite of himself, and picked up his pace a little. Sure, no one was actually waiting for them as none were aware today was the day they would return, but he was still eager to spend a night in his own bed for a change.

_With Hinata, Ino, Shino, and Kiba_

"All right, now where the heck are they?" Kiba grumbled.

"Patience," Ino said sagely. "Patience, my friend."

Hinata stared toward the gate, waiting for a sight of anyone. "At least we're all set up," she said, trying to cover her nervousness.

Shino nodded. "This is good. Why? Because we will save time when Lee-kun and Naruto-san show up."

"I still don't really get why you guys are all so certain they'll show up now, of all times, but okay," Kiba said.

"Well," Ino began in a lecturing tone.

Kiba groaned to himself, putting his head in his hands, but not quite as literally as you may be imagining. It was still, of course, attached to his neck, attached to his shoulders, attached to his arms, attached to his torso, extending to his legs, attached to his feet, and wearing his shoes.

"If you think about it, Lee promised Gai-sensei he would hug _everyone_. And if there is one thing we all know about Lee, it is that he will never go back on his promises. With that in mind, we've been following him around pretty much all day long—at least since he left Konoha, at any rate—and we've yet to see him come across Jiraiya-sama and Naruto-kun. Since that's the case, it's a pretty reasonable assumption to make that they are also currently traveling and just haven't crossed paths with him yet. Also, it's been two years? How freaking long do you think Naruto needs to train anyway?" she wondered.

"You make an excellent argument," Kiba told her.

Ino beamed proudly.

"Um," a new voice said. "What exactly are you guys doing?"

"Sakura-san!" Hinata yelped. She looked around in a panic, uncertain how to explain or even if they should.

"We're setting up the stage for Lee to hug Naruto when he gets back," Ino said.

Sakura blinked.

"Because this way we will be prepared," Shino explained.

"Um. I think I left a needle in a patient back at the hospital," Sakura said, turning quickly to leave. Sometimes, in this village, it was easier to not understand.

"Well, okay then," Kiba said.

_With Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Sasuke_

"Well now, where were we with this?" Orochimaru asked, picking up his deck of cards and moving some around.

"Um, we weren't even playing cards. We're playing Ninja Monopoly," Kabuto said, sniffling into a hanky.

"Oh, right… where did all my money go?" the paler man wondered.

The other ninja whistled innocently as Sasuke rolled his eyes.

_With Deidara and Sasori_

"We'll probably get to Suna by next week!" Deidara said cheerfully as he blew random trees, squirrels, and rocks up.

Sasori snorted. "Such an optimist. Guess that hug really did work."

Deidara glared, but secretly smiled to himself. He was sure karma would resolve this one for him. If not, he could just blow Sasori-danna up himself.

_In Konoha_

"All right! Places, everyone!" Kiba yelled authoritatively.

Hinata dodged behind a fence, Kiba, Shino, and Akamaru walked around the corner, and Ino peered creepily through binoculars at the gate, hoping to gain some sight of Naruto before the kid left the forest and arrived home.

"So exciting!" Ino squealed.

A blur appeared on the horizon. She gasped and held tighter to the binoculars, twisting the ends to try and get the blur into focus. It was moving so quickly.

The blur resolved itself into two colors, orange… and… was that…

"Blue?!" Ino nearly fell from the tree. "I see him!" she yelled. "I see Naruto!" A solid thumping noise let her know everything was going according to plan… her plan, that is, as the thump was Hinata fainting to the ground. "Hehehe," the blonde chuckled.

"KONOHA!" Naruto yelled. "I'M HOO—"

THWACK!

Another blur collided with the first. Ino gasped again in excitement, abandoning the binoculars to just straight up ogle the sight. Shino worked the video camera as calmly as ever as Kiba tried to stick a microphone boom where the action was.

"YOU IDIOT!" the second blur cried. "You have to make your announcement more dramatic!"

"More dramatic than shouting 'I'm home' to the whole city?" Kiba wondered aloud.

The blurs ignored him, carrying on their argument—discussion. "You need music! You need dancing! You need ladies! You especially need ladies," the second blur clarified, drooling at the mere idea.

Naruto smacked his forehead in disgust. "I can't believe I put up with you for two years. If you'll excuse me," he said pointedly, stepping around his teacher and running up a pole using his chakra. "Attention Konoha!" he said calmly, arms spread wide. "Uzumaki Naruto is home."

"Okay," grumbled Jiraiya to himself (and the hidden cameras). "That was kind of cool."

Ino giggled to herself. All the Youtube views!

Until suddenly, something launched itself into the poor unsuspecting blonde and he toppled to the ground, helpless, and unable to defend himself.

_With Lee_

"I hope I return soon! The sun is beginning to sink!" worried our Green Beast of a Hero.

The forest was thick at this point, and he knew Konoha was close. Up ahead, though, what did he spy? Two figures walked through the woods, heading in the direction of his precious village. He squinted. They looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't entirely place who they were… had he hugged them today?

As they grew closer, he spotted the white hair of the larger fellow on the left. No hug pins were present, however. Lee narrowed his eyes, and drew his Weapon… of Mass Hugstruction.

Hey, it'd been a long day. He'd hugged like seven billion people, for crying out loud.

Leaping up, Lee curled his legs around him and flipped into the tree tops. He knew where these fellows were going, and it just so happened that Gai-sensei had taught him a short cut.

Laughing to himself, Lee rubbed his hands together and—"Ouch," he said. "I stabbed myself with a pin."

_Back with Naruto_

"What the heck!?" Naruto shouted. He pulled whatever had attacked him off his face and blinked. "Oh my kami, what are you doing here?!" he cried.

A pitiful moan escaped his nemesis's lips.

"Tora, you evil little kitty. Get back to your dagnammed owner and stay there!" Naruto rebuked the feline. "Honestly, do you never learn? And don't just jump on people's faces."

Appropriately shamed, Tora mewed pathetically and turned his/her/its head away, tail between his/her/its legs as he/she/it wandered away.

Naruto dusted his hands off, looking about to say something before another blur tackled into him and they flopped to the ground.

Ino later described that moment on the director's cut version of _KISH's Home Video: Lee Hugs the World_ as one of utmost hilarity. The look on Naruto's face was both perplexed and accepting, as if he was confused about what was occurring even as he expected it to happen because the irony was just too great for the Fates to pass up a moment like that one.

And when the smoke cleared, and Ino, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, and the camera and all the viewers could see who had tackled Naruto and why, it appeared that all expressions were justified and hugs completed.

Jiraiya, sideswiped with pins and a hug in the ambush, was dumbfounded at the sight before him for just slightly less than 0.00001 seconds before he burst into loud guffaws and whipped out a camera of his own.

Lee, complete with hug pins and a glowing smile, had his arms wrapped around a shell-shocked Uzumaki Naruto, and was curled close and snoring as Shino zoomed the camera in. Mission complete, it appeared the poor shinobi could stay awake no longer.

That is, until Naruto screamed some unforgivable profanities which shan't be repeated here into his ear until Lee's head started bleeding everywhere.

It was difficult convincing Ino to heal that one without letting Gai-sensei find out about it; after posting the first Hug Video online, she received so many views, fanmail, and love letters, the temptation to create another one was almost irresistible. Almost…

Luckily for all of Konoha, Tsunade stepped in.

"And seriously, Gai, stubbing your toe is not the end of the world. I can't believe you were so melodramatic about this that I had to throw your student out of a window and across the village."

Gai grinned sheepishly. "All in the name of Youth!" he declared.

_Fin._


End file.
